About 28 years ago my dad (in his late 50's at the time) started seeing a young woman. Eventually she moved in with him and they "accidentally" became pregnant. They had a son. He did well in school, he was well-behaved but being one of very few young kids in a very old neighborhood he didn't have any friends. Eventually his mom and our dad started having problems getting along. I honestly don't know the details (I was already an adult with my own family and living in another city) but my dad kicked her out and she and their son went to live with her parents.
The boy got interested in boxing around 14 or 15. His grandparents were elderly and his mom was "too busy" doing her own thing to bother raising him. The gym where he trained was seedy and had a lot of gang members in it. They would pick him up from home and drop him off hours later. As I mentioned he had never "belonged" with a group of friends, and now he was without a father figure, so the gang-bangers adopted him. He quickly picked up their slang, their criminal ways and started doing drugs with them.
He dropped out of school. He got a young girl pregnant and his grandparents kicked him out. He and the girl moved in with my dad and had their baby. My dad is perpetually broke and was driving a truck (a very rare collector vehicle, only 900 made) I had loaned him with explicit instructions that he not allow my half-brother to drive it. He did anyway, and my half-brother smashed into another vehicle and totaled both out. This was the 4th vehicle he had totaled, which is why he wasn't supposed to be driving it. Little did I know my dad had dropped the insurance on it months before, my agent told me that if I had not left the policy in place that I probably would have been sued and paid dearly. That was about 2 months ago.
Last Monday I got a text from my brother that our half-brother was found dead in a street with no ID. They believe he either overdosed or took some bad/ contaminated drugs. It was several days before they were even able to ID the body. He was cremated with no funeral or service of any kind. He was 26.
Now I firmly believe we are responsible for our decisions, and that the "blame" for this rests squarely on my half-brother's shoulders. However, I also firmly believe that the split between his mother and our father, and their subsequent abandonment of their parenting responsibilities put him on a path in life at an early age where he was still quite impressionable that led to his early death. Most of you are probably aware that I am constantly preaching about the importance of trying to unite with your WAS in co-parenting your children. No matter your differences, you should make every effort to unite in love behind your children and offer them unconditional support. And if your WAS is not willing to be a proper parent, then you should double down on being the best parent possible, because your kid/ kids need it now more than ever.
I'm not posting this looking for sympathy, I honestly barely knew my half-brother. I saw him maybe 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years. That's not to say I wasn't upset by this, but I really wanted to share the story with you all to drive home the importance of remembering that despite what you are going through, you have got to remain mindful of how important your parenting responsibilities are.
