Maika, I read your post a couple of times and am a bit confused. What do you mean by "exiting the highway?" Are you suggesting it could be time for me to give up and move on from him entirely? If so, let me know if you are still available in a few months from now. ;-) JK. LOL. .... Developing meaningful intimacy has been hard lately. And the history in the last 4 years has been that it is there -- somewhere it exists and resurfaces -- but it is not usually long lasting. Also, I fully acknowledge that it is my doing and changing that leads to it. He is present and he is patient. When I shift my mindset and put the energy forward, the intimacy results. So yeah, the ball is entirely in my court. There is good and bad to that. I also recognize that overall this does get easier with time. I don't have the same triggers or emotional responses that used to interfere with my thinking/living/just trying to move forward, that I did a couple years ago.

Yail, thank you for the vote of confidence. I appreciate it, really!

joejoe, I can relate to everything you post. Honestly, I could have written that with very minor edits. It is sort of strange to be stuck in this power dynamic. It sounds like your W and my H are to a degree waiting for us to fully come around and commit -- to forgive, to be vulnerable, and to start to let go of the past. It is a relief to know that they will not go anywhere, that they are here now, and they are taking responsibility and are committed to change. It also feels like a bit of pressure , because we know we need to figure this out and make it happen. Sometimes that can be so hard when your heart is just not in it. My kids are my biggest motivator to stay and I don't see that as a bad thing. Whoever says "you can't just stay for the kids," is wrong IMO. My kids are the best reason for making this work. They deserve a family, they deserve to stay in our nice home and continue to go to the top schools. They deserve everything -- all the sports, rides, vacations, coordinating all their activities, time together, stability, etc etc -- and it is so much easier to provide that while working together. What I need to do a better job of, is showing them what a loving couple looks like. .... 5 years? Wow. Well, I am a year away (shrugs), so maybe I just need more time ...

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela