Time and space. It'll be beneficial to give your W some space to figure things out without pressure. Pursuit and pressure can cause them to feel forced to do something they are unsure of but feel like is needed.
You mentioned abuse and not being able to do the 50/50 because you work full time. I am sure you can do some 180s in these departments to become more emotionally stable, to be the rock in this time. To not be dragged into this emotional tug of war with them. Your feelings matter, and as much as you want your W to validate them, you may need to suck it up for the time being and not let your emotions get in the way. Bout that 50/50... my W and I have recently physically separated going on a few weeks now and I have done the 50/50 split with her when it comes to taking care of our two boys, age 6 and 11. I just had them this past week, doing everything for them. This past weekend, I was at her place also spending a lot of my time with them. I am living my life, working full time, taking on more responsibility than I had before. I started with an in house separation and I began to do more with the kids.
Whatever you do, do it for yourself and the kids and make it stick to become a good habit.
My W is not SAHM, but I can imagine the expectation some H have on their W to do everything at home regarding the children. 3 young children sound like more than a handful for 1 person full time. I can imagine the burden your W bears. Now is not the time to grovel or become emotional about it if you sense something is wrong. She will know something is up with you. Do your part.
Take care of yourself, get plenty of rest for yourself and the kids. Also validation won't hurt when your W does talk, just listen.
Although my W and I have separated, I spent about an hour or more one day at her place listening to her talk about her work problems. And once I started asking questions, repeating what she said but in my own words, and I said something like this, it sounds like you're saying " You saw Lorie's boss going to bat for the new hire with no hesitation, and here with your own boss, it sounds like your boss wasn't going to bat for you and it made you feel undervalued, is this correct?" She said "Oh my God, yeah that is exactly it." Although I couldn't fix anything, I was there to listen. She told me thank you for being there to listen and being a sounding board. She already took action to discuss matters with her boss but just wanted someone to talk to. Funny thing is, you would think some of this is a one and done type ordeal, it is not. My W has a very demanding job and stressful. I hadn't taken out enough time every day to listen to her daily problems. I made it seem like because they happened daily, they weren't as important than some of the less frequent issues. 3 young kids at home, I bet your W is wanting her partner to be there without having to say anything. And you don't... don't say anything, just do your part for now and give her space and time. When or if she does open up, validate, listen.
Keep posting, keep reading, and keep learning.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
