Tad, I checked in to find out how it went and I am totally mystified at your interpretation of your heart and your self!

I was really kind of glad when I saw what you wrote. Not glad you suffered, but glad that you confirmed that love is real and forever.

You love unconditionally. You committed your heart and you still love your woman, the love of your life, even if her body is currently occupied/overtaken by an alien.

Why is loving her when you saw her, the real W, across the darkness, why is that a reason to beat yourself up?

Every woman on this board longs for a man who loves like that.

Your W is the one whose heart turned to stone. I don't know your story but assume it's the same one we all have, some trauma from her past, never resolved, blamed on you.

If her MLC has nothing to do with you, why would it be possible for you to kill the love you felt for her? Why just because she chose to trash her life would it mean that you would be able to kill your own feelings?

The point of GAL and all the rest is to learn how to walk through the pain and make a life for yourself and heal. Being a rock doesn't mean your heart became stone.

I am sorry for all your pain, and I know that brand of pain well. But I see your love as a victory. It's a cross to bear, and if you don't want to wait for XW, I am sure that you will one day heal enough to give that love to someone else and to feel the sting of it for your XW less than you do right now. But to me, it's a victory that you feel that kind of love, it will be a victory if you feel it until the end, and I don't think you should ever try to stomp it out, even if you have to put it in a little box when you meet someone else. It is a horribly sad sad thing that happened to your marriage and to the woman you knew, it is okay to think about it and grieve for it anytime you see her. It's normal to miss her, it's not a sign of weakness. You had the courage to go to this event, you had the courage to hang out with her, you had the courage to face in-laws who don't understand you. (And the force of your goodness and your rightful place at that event was even too much for the slimy interloper to bear, he skulked back into the shadows for the day.)

You are brave, strong and loving. VICTORY!

Last edited by Gerda; 05/06/19 03:51 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.