OM Backed Out

[tadpole1025]

Thank you.

I have a little more time to write now that I'm home from work. I didn't sleep much last night and the sleep that I did get was consumed by dreams of XW and OM. Bttrfly mentioned that this whole thing seemed like a game of chicken on the part of OM. Maybe, but what would be the point? Is he afraid? Is XW afraid? Are they just ashamed of what they did and can't face me together?

I forgot to mention earlier that when we were going through the divorce, she had a terrible cough. She blamed it on me. Well, she still has it. Or....it just magically came back last night. (Personally, I think it is nerves.)

As for the former MIL, no one knows what your XW told her about the situation, but I'm glad she saw that you came and spoke to her other daughter. Tad, try to remember...you did nothing wrong.

Job, I'd be willing to bet she has been told all sorts of things. She used to love me and would light up every time I'd walk into the room. She's known me since I was 16. I was in high school when I met her. I even lived with them and went to school for a short time. (Long story.) At the time, she told me that it was "so nice that XW was dating someone that was decent." I guess it just bothers me that she obviously believes anything that she may have been told about me. Last night was the first time I had seen her in about a decade.

I think you have come a long way and I am very proud of you for going to the party.

Thank you. Knowing how I feel today, I am even more glad that OM was not there, but I am glad I went for my son.

How can you say you were not enough?

Thanks for the response Diane. My XW has always been a little materialistic and is even more so now with the MLC. She has always been in competition with her friends and even to a greater degree with her sister. Every time her sister did something, XW had to do it better. It will be interesting pretty soon though...her sister just got engaged again. That means a nice big wedding....XW will have to out-do her somehow.

The blood line continues. She did not have this with anyone else. And she will never share this with anyone else.

True. She'll never have that with anyone. She'll also never have the relationship/history that we have. Our relationship was built on love and trust. Her current relationship is built on deception and lies. You'd think that it would catch up with her eventually...or that she would realize just what she has done. I'm not the best-looking dude, don't make tons of money, but I was always 100% faithful and we had a great history. The fact that she can just dispose of it like an old pair of shoes really bothers me.

When your eyes locked, you did not see the cold stare.

Right, but what was it? It was almost a peak of the old XW that I fell in love with, not the cold, terrible person that she has become. It just still baffles me how cold and indifferent she is. When she dropped the bomb, she was DONE. That's it. Finished. No discussion. 25 years gone. End of story.

Don' t be hard on yourself. Be proud and thankful for the years you shared.

I am proud and thankful. I don't think she is. I actually think she views them as wasted years. If she was thankful for them, I don't think that they would be that easy to throw away.

You know, I see her all of the time at my son's shows and it doesn't bother me as much. I think the problem with last night was that it was a family setting....my boys, my niece, XW, XMIL, XSIL....like it used to be. There were people there that I used to have great relationships with, but are now no longer "allowed" to socialize with them.

Then, there was that eye contact that was NOT the shark eyes...for a brief moment, it was the old XW. My girl. The girl that I loved and would do anything for. She was there....and then gone again.

I'll be honest. I've been doing pretty good lately but, am a little ashamed that things like last night still mess me up. Maybe I should just man up and shut up. People get divorced every day. In October, it will be nine years since bomb drop. NINE FREAKING YEARS. And, I'm still coming to this board...