Thank you DV6. Reading what you wrote really helped me to start let go of my concerns about what people might think if they knew about my sitch. The worst case scenario doesn’t even actually bother me much. I didn’t mention it, and I know that was the right decision. You are right also, about me trying to maintain some sense of control over what my H does it doesn’t tell people, and thereby maintain some sense of control over the situation itself. I struggle with letting go of control in many aspects of my life, it’s how I manage my anxiety, but the more I let go of those efforts the better I feel. I’m really focused on detaching and this was just another piece of that.
On another note, I talked to an old friend of mine a bit about my sitch yesterday. I didn’t tell her about DB, but I did let her know a bit about how I’m navigating my sitch at this point, my detaching efforts, etc. she and I came back to my place in the evening after my daughter was in bed, and my H was on his way out. He sat on the couch, lingering and chatting with her, catching up. After he left she commented on it, she felt it was interesting that he took the time to do that rather than just saying hi and leaving. Her advice was that she thinks that next time he lingers like that that I should offer him a drink and try to chat with him, and that if that went well that I should try to make a sexual advance toward him (I had been lamenting to her earlier that it has been an extremely long time for me). She doesn’t know about DBing so I can’t say I think it’s great advice, but there’s a part of me that thinks it isn’t terrible advice. It obviously doesn’t align with my DB work so I likely won’t do it. I’d hate to back track on the progress I’ve made. I think she feels impatient on my behalf, and she feels I have nothing to lose and that if he refused my advances at this point then I’d know he was totally gone. I don’t know if I agree with that or not, but it’s interesting to think about.
