Haley quote : She was furious that I had moved and in doing so her beer spilled on the bed. She crossed a boundary I have made clear and was talking to me angrily and with disrespect. About how it was all my fault. I told her not to talk to me like that and that she shouldn’t have put the beer on the bed in the first place.
This got me thinking, if the roles of this situation were reversed, how would I have reacted? I am positive that I would take the blame for putting an open can on the bed and would have apologized and cleaned it. Her behavior in this situation was unacceptable to me. I haven’t really seen any changes for the better in her yet. I really hope she is able to look inward and improve herself because after this situation I was really thinking that I deserve better than this. End quote
Halzy good for you in enforcing that boundary. Its situations like these I am learning to handle differently as of last week. Here is a actual text from last week. W unintentionally misued her words in a text about a scheduling issue with S1 and her Dr's appointment last week. Granted i could have handled the situation a little bit better, but think I did pretty good.
She said "I watched you put it in your phone unless you were lying." She didn't mean it to sound accusatory, but she was also under the impresion I was screwing with her for not remembering. She didn't clearly give me an exact date, just mention, and she updated the whiteboard one day prior. I agreed on one thing she said about the trade/swap of days.
My response was:
"Either way more importantly I don't like the words lying or being accused of lying."
"What if I said to you? "Well unless you were lying?" How would you feel? How would you receive that?"
W:You're right, I would be offended W:I'm sorry for wording it that way, I can see how you could be offended.
I could put the whole text conversatation here but it would just take too long.
That was probably the first time in a very long time I have gotten an apology from her. Otherwise its been about her, her, her, her unhappiness, her goals, and objectives, her reasons of all the things im to blame for.
The purpose of this dynamic again is two fold. It creates a boundary, nips a reaction in the bud, and it puts the mirror back on them in realizing their treatment torwards you, without you becoming reactive.
