Im doing my best to not let this consume me, but I am in so much pain. The worst part is knowing that as much as people say its not my fault, that it kind of is. I took her for granted and I didnt grow up in time. I didnt make her do it technically, but I have to change. I just wish I had done it sooner. Im so broken. None of my selfishness was worth it. This pain outweighs all the pleasure I ever took for myself. Theres no way I can compare to the other guy with my track record. Im so ashamed and remorseful. I miss her so much and its my fault when you get down to it. I failed her and failed myself. This is the only thing thats ever made me cry as an adult and I can't stop. Shes intertwined her aoul with someone better and left me behind. What little light I had has gone from my life.
Cadet posted something once that was along the lines of "we don't change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same". And it's true 99% of the time.
I challenge you to look at the bright side of this. There IS a bright side here. If you choose to focus on it you will start to feel better.
I've been there and done that and I promise you it will get better.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
