Keep doing what you are doing. Although some might advise you differently on here, it's ultimately up to you. As far as still doing things as a family "seperated" still on IHS.
Hey IHCLACS thanks for all the info. I am not all the way caught up with you sitch but am getting there. Yeah I agree with you, when she actually moves out in 2 weeks I do not plan on spending “family time” with her. I see that as cake eating. It was her idea to break up our family and a repercussion of this is no more family time. Obviously I want to do things for my son, but I am not going to be a happy family with a W who doesn’t want to be with me.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
I am still "friend zoned" (Not a place a man should ever be with his W out of self respect IMO.)
Yeah that feeling [censored]. In my sitch currently I wouldn’t say I’m exactly friend zoned but it is a weird limbo of some sort. She has expressed she wants me around co parenting. We are having friendly conversations. But there has been a lot of flirting and even some sexual interactions lately. This was all non existent before I started DBing. If things continue toward friend zone, I think I would pull way back as I am not interested in being a friend.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
You seem like you have a pretty good handle on things. If she's going to have that attitude towards sex though, and flirting, to me it seems nothing more than an ego validation, that she still "has it" and is manipulating to gauge if you are plan b. Don't give into her BS temp checks or manipulation. But if you do decide to escalate, make sure you make it clear that it didn't mean anything.
Interesting points. Yeah I assumed most of this was a temp check. I think she may be considering me as a back up plan because her actions toward me have changed alot since I started DBing. Around BD I think I’m her mind, she viewed us as never going to work out, or that we would never have R again. Now that I have implemented all these 180s and PMA she has been making comments such as, “you are like a whole new man now”. I think she is coming around to the idea that I could be her plan B. Although I see it as progress, I definitely do not want to be anyone’s plan B.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
Coming back around to behaviors and justifications. I wish "reading the signs" were as black and white for the reasons WAW'S or WAW'S leave MR. I'm sure most wives look at the marriage, not only for just love, but a total package. They test for things like, is he secure, does he provide, is he a good father, is he responsible, is he social, does he spend enough time with me, and family, are we still compatible?
Yeah you are absolutely right. I think over our M I went from checking off all of her boxes to slowly losing check marks one by one. Eventually she realized how I was not checking these wants and needs of hers off and decided life would be better without me. 180s are great in this regard because it shows through actions that I can meet her expectations. Even if we do not R, I am already feeling like such a better version of myself and I feel this will really help me in the future.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
There is one thing I am noticing though. With myself and in other people's situations. They will either take the initiative to make changes for themselves, and fail on the commitment end of those changes, or, they expect us to do all the changes while they remain the same, as if they are a God's gift to us. The latter scenario I find to be very selfish and arrogant, whether they want to admit it to themselves, or us, or not. I don't think that they realize, just as much as we don't realize, just how much sacrifice us men make for them, and for some, how much sacrifice they make as women. Just something to be aware of.
I think about this a lot. Although I mainly blame myself for the deterioration of our M, I know she absolutely has things she needs to work on and change too. There was a situation the other night that really shed the light on this for me: W and I were in bed drinking some beers. She had set her beer on the bed. I was actually laying the opposite direction from her and as I moved to lay the same direction as her, the bed was shaken and her beer spilled.
She was furious that I had moved and in doing so her beer spilled on the bed. She crossed a boundary I have made clear and was talking to me angrily and with disrespect. About how it was all my fault. I told her not to talk to me like that and that she shouldn’t have put the beer on the bed in the first place.
This got me thinking, if the roles of this situation were reversed, how would I have reacted? I am positive that I would take the blame for putting an open can on the bed and would have apologized and cleaned it. Her behavior in this situation was unacceptable to me. I haven’t really seen any changes for the better in her yet. I really hope she is able to look inward and improve herself because after this situation I was really thinking that I deserve better than this.
