Persistent Endurance (Part 3)

[curtis7]

Huge update...expected outcome.

So, I had the "I will NOT live in an open marriage" talk with WW tonight. She spewed rage, tried to interrupt several times and said I better go talk to my L. Here are the details.

My S8 was with her today after his baseball game and he talked to me when she came over to take care of her horse. I asked what he did today, and he said, well mostly watched TV. I asked, didn't mommy play with you and he said she was texting the whole time. Then he told me the name and it was OM2. WW told my S8 that it was the friend of a co-worker which is a lie. This is where I draw the line, when she starts lying to my kids about her PAs and covering up her infidelity, it is complete disrespect to my family.

I spent the rest of the night contemplating what action to take. I knew this talk was coming, but I was planning on waiting until either the end of this month or the end of next month so she could see more of my 180s and GAL. However, it was time for me to take back my respect. Over the past month, I have read NMMNG and the Tough Love book as well as countless sitches and posts on scripts (Starsky, Puppy Dog Tails, AllenA, Robx, R2C, Sandi2, Wonka, Txhubby, etc) for setting this boundary and I was confident this was something I needed to do for myself and my dignity.

I'll have to admit, I didn't have long to rehearse the script, but it was imperative that I take action as she was about to send me an email on taking the next steps to divide assets before seeing an attorney.

I went to her house and knocked on the door late in the evening after the kids went to sleep. Here is the exchange:

W: What's going on?
H: Maybe you should sit down, we need to talk about something S8 told me today. S8 said you were texting all afternoon with some guy named OM2.
W: No, I wasn't.
H: I'm just telling you what S8 said. The deceit has got to stop. When you lie to our children, it is disrespectful to our family, and that is where I draw the line. I've tolerated this intolerable behavior for 6 months and I will not tolerate it any longer when you lie to our children. The first 4 months were pure hell for me, but over the past 2 months I've recovered and I'm in a much better place and I like the direction I'm headed and our kids like it too. I still love you and want to work on this marriage, but I will not be a part of it when you are engaged in affairs with OM. Let's be clear about one thing, this separation was not about you having space, it was about having affairs. You made the choice to have affairs over marriage and family and will have to live with the consequences.
W: You don't know what you're talking about, there is nothing going on.
H: Please stop, we both know you're lying right now, please let me finish. I know you're having an affair with OM2, it's disrespectful to me, our marriage, and our family.
W: You don't know anything, there's nothing going on with OM2.
H: Stop, we both know your lying (holding my hand up while looking her dead in the eyes).
H: I will NOT live in an open marriage. Looks like we both have some big decisions to make.
W: We can get a divorce, I was ready to send you an email today to start dividing everything.
H: I know our marriage wasn't satisfactory for you or me. I accept my responsibility for half of that and am sorry it hurt you. The other half followed by the affairs are all on you. Marital problems need to be met with solutions, not lies and cheating. Your choice to continue cheating and make things worse and destroy our family or end the cheating and make things better and help our family.
W: You can't come to my house unannounced. Now, get out!
H: You need to think long and hard about the impact of your choices on our children. Do you think children are resilient?
W: Ours can be if we parent effectively.
H: Yes, some children are resilient, but ours don't have that choice, you are making it for them.
W: Get out and go to talk to your L!

I walked out and left.

I was extremely calm and confident throughout, while she was increasingly angered and filled with rage. I did not let it rattle me or affect my emotions. I am ready to accept and do not fear what follows. Now we'll see what develops over the coming days and weeks.

Some may feel I acted in haste, but with one OM after another with no end in sight, I felt compelled to take a stand.