A Real Mess

[si13]

So I got my biggest reaction to DBing today. After 2 weeks of doing it.

I had changed my Ws phone ringtone on my phone, changed her name from wife to her actual name and changed her picture from her to the kids.

I didn't relaize she'd see it but my D was playing with my Ws phone and called mine while I was in the shower.

I hadn't seen this side of my W yet. She asked what was going on.

Was I cutting off emotionally? Is this why I seem distant?

Why did I change her pic, name and ringtone?

Was my recent distancing in relation to our "conversation"? Conversation meaning where she said she wanted a D.

I replied that I had changed those phone settings a while back. And if my actions were any different I was seeking peace within myself. But my position had NOT changed.

She said what position? I said I do not want a divorce but I understand that you do and I won't stand in your way if that's your position.

She asked about me seeking peace within myself, "couldn't you have done that or SHOULDN'T you have done that within the marriage????"

I calmly replied that there were definitely things I would have liked to have done before but......and then our kids interrupted - she tried to excuse them and keep the conversation going. I told her it was probably beat we finish this conversation another time. (This was so unlike me as I have been know to beat a horse to death trying to convince her I've changed and we can make this work).

Wow. I was shocked.