It's nice to see you on this side of the board. Can I ask where you are from? I'm not sure if I've just missed it, although I totally understand if you do not want to share.
My own view about marriage has always been pretty different than what people have discussed in this thread. I have never believed in God, and marriage for me means just a registered relationship which gives more rights for kids. The initial celebration, wedding, is pretty much the only thing that matters to me as it is a natural way to celebrate the relationship and the love with friends and close ones. I don't see marriage as an everlasting bond that must not be broken, and I am personally quite sure I will marry again some day - not planning it currently though. I am far on the progressive side and you won't find a single bit of conservatism in me, so I guess this is understandable (even though I'm quite right-leaning politically when it comes to monetary side of things).
I understand that people are in vulnerable state. I just think it's not useful to label people based on their decisions. You have one life and you have to make the best of it. Sure there are a lot of marriages that probably could be fixed but also a lot of them where partners have far surpassed the tolerance level. A lot of the time people's needs are not being fulfilled and fixing it is hard. I certainly do not blame my XW of the D because I should have seen the signs a long time ago, however I have come to realize the fact that I just didn't want to because I wasn't happy with her either. So, I would say the amount of divorces could also be high because people choose wrong partners at the beginning and just make it work until it falls apart. Only when you know yourself fully can you find a partner who is a proper match.
About meeting XWs BF - I think if my XW would ever break up with her bf, the next one I could meet properly. I respect your decision to have a talk with your XWs bf, I just personally would see it as quite insecure to lay out rules for him in a meeting. I trust that my XW chose him by keeping his suitability as a 'step-dad' in mind.
Please keep us updated about your D
Have a great weekend.
LC.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
