Today is my 28th wedding anniversary. I’m surprised that it doesn’t seem to bother me. I only think of it in a fleeting way here and there. I’m glad. I’m also glad I have a jam packed weekend planned.
D19 has been suffering from significant abdominal pain. She has had ovarian cysts in the past, and has suffered from them once or twice before. So, she missed out on going with her dad and brother to an amusement park yesterday. She was so sad, and she said her dad didn’t seem to care she was too unwell to go. I told her she should talk to him and tell him how she feels. She said(via text as I was at work) that H “didn’t even bother to talk to me about the abrupt change of plans himself (used D21 as a proxy) and frankly I don’t feel like giving him that respect right now. I think as an adult he should have consequences of not putting in the effort”.
My response: “I can understand why you feel that way”. She then called me, and was crying on the phone, saying that dad didn’t want to stay long enough after they got back to take her to dinner.
Broke my heart!!!
I left work early so I could hang out with her, and bring her to her ultrasound. I then took her out for sushi! We had such a nice time. H is really missing out!
H did sit with her for about 10 minutes and chat. He looked worn out. Sad. Old. Not well. When the kids weren’t around, I asked him how he was doing. His response “I’m over 200 pounds”. He’s quite muscular, so a good weight for him is around 180. A bit of a strange answer, though. We used to go to the gym a lot together, so I asked him if he was working out. He said 3x weekly. I left it alone.
As he was leaving, he gave me a brief hug and kiss on the cheek. I then asked him how he really was doing, that I was still concerned about him. I just felt the need to. He said “I’m beset with melancholy”. Odd again, but very telling. I asked him if he was thinking about trying to find a way to help with that (or something like that), and he just shrugged his shoulders. I left it alone. I did say that after 8 months that perhaps it’s time we should talk. That is if he wanted to. I’m not sure what about, but it just came out. He corrected me and said it was 7 months. I thought that was odd too. He said o.k., but I won’t mention it again. I doubt he will either, anytime soon at least. He’s still lost. Broken. Sad. I don’t think he knows where to start to feel better, so he just doesn’t do anything. I briefly wondered is he was still seeing OW, and if so, why she would want to be with such a broken, sad person. I’ve decided that if she is, it’s because she’s broken and damaged in her own way too.
So, I feel o.k. today. I had butterflies before I saw him and when he first arrived (anxiety, fear, or whatever), but feel almost nothing about him today, at least for the moment. Pity, maybe. He is definitely in a very bad place.
Meanwhile, I’m thriving! My 2 happy hours where fun last night. Talked with a woman from church that was in my bible study and found out she is recently separated and going through D. Her H has a history of infidelity. We exchanged numbers and agreed that we could weather our storms together.
As I've already mentioned, had great boot camp this morning, baked with D19, and soon I’ll be off for an overnighter at the beach with a couple that H and I got together very often with. They are always fun. I hope to get up early tomorrow to walk the beach at dawn. My favorite time to be at the beach.
So, I am blessed. I’m thankful for each day that is full of family, activities, and friends. They get me through the times that are a little darker.
