Im convinced that these "justification" lists for leaving, the turning cold, and all of the "too little too late" stuff maybe legit, but all that resentment it almost seems intentional for not only justifying their behavior, but to intentionally push the LBS away out of guilt. I sometimes wonder, how much is good enough for someone?
Interesting point IHCLACS, my W had sooo much resentment the few weeks around BD she wouldn’t even talk to me.
So I need some help, some drastic changes but I’ll get into that after my question. The W asked me to go shopping with her later to get stuff for our S. I am inclined to say yes as my Son is my top priority. She also asked me to go to lunch with her and our son at one of our favorite restaurants. I told her I would think about it. Do you guys think I should be doing stuff like this once in a while or no?
Okay so journaling last night which was very interesting. Incoming huge wall of text. If you have been keeping up with my sitch I have spoken about how I have been DBing quite well: no R talks, GAL, PMA, 180s, the works. I believe I have done great at DBing the past few weeks. I haven’t been starting conversations but when W starts one I really give her my attention and validate when I can. She has gone from not saying 4 sentences to me a day around BD to constantly talking to me about everything.
I have been doing a ton of work on the house as part of GAL. This is also a 180 as I was somewhat lazy before and would leave something broken or needing to be done for weeks. Yesterday I spent a ton of time working in the backyard. A couple days ago a tile in our bathroom broke, my W cut her toe on it and was bleeding a lot. I removed, replaced and put new grout around it within the next day. We also had some support planks break on one side of the bed. I replaced those as well.
So yesterday my W got home from work. I was in my MBR with my S. It was almost his bed time so we were just hanging out. She came in an initiated conversation about her day. We joked around a bit and it was a pleasant chat. As I sat on the edge of the bed where the planks had been previously broken W told me not to sit there because the bed was “broken” on that side. I responded that I had fixed it already. This is a big 180 too because usually I wouldn’t take initiative and do stuff without being asked first so I think she was really surprised.
She then said, “Who are you? You are like a whole new man.” I couldn’t help smiling at this with how much effort I have been putting into bettering myself. It felt good hearing that. I followed up with, “I’m not sure what you mean?” She continued saying how I do all this stuff now and everything I do now differently. I played it off cool and said, “speaking of doing stuff, don’t step on that tile, I put the grout around and it’s drying”.
I told her I had a hockey game in a day and if she could watch our S. She responded that she would take our S to my game. (She hates hockey and has been to like 1 of my games in the past year so this was strange.). She asked if I wanted them to go. I didn’t seem overly interested and said, “sure you can go if you want”.
We then talked about how I signed up for swim class with our S (180). She said that she wanted to go with us. She then went on to say that she still wants to do things as a family. She worded it “if we don’t get back together I still want to do stuff with S as a family.” She seemed certain that we wouldn’t have a chance at R a few weeks ago. This seems like an improvement that she could be considering R. I responded that “it would be weird for us to do family stuff if we weren’t together”. She then told a story of a friends parents who even though were divorced they spent time as a family. I sort of ended the talk there because I already made it clear I wasn’t really into that.
Once I put my son to bed, W and I drank some beers and watch some stuff on Netflix. We had a ton of conversation and laughing. It really felt like how things were years ago. She seemed super into me. She was being very flirtatious (kept grabbing my arms feeling my muscles, trying to tickle me, play fighting/hitting. At one point she straddled me on the bed. She then said “you wish”. I responded, “what do you mean you wish, you are the one on top of me”. I reciprocated the flirting but did not initiate or elevate.
Usually I would try to escalate this to s*x but as a 180 I just went to bed. Super weird having her be all over me and so interested when just over a month ago she seemed to hate my guts. This morning she was super pleasant, talking a lot to me and kept interrupting me getting ready for work to talk. This was when she asked me to go shopping with her this afternoon and if I wanted to get lunch with her after I get off work.
I feel like things are going well, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. I’m gonna keep doing my thing until she puts R on the table or we get a D. Any input is appreciated and thanks for reading my sitch. More later
