Stop worrying about what she is doing and why she is doing it. Read all of the links Cadet posted. This is time to focus on yourself. Focus on being a man only a fool would leave. Be the best version of yourself possible. Project positivity always. Never show sadness or being down. Be happy with yourself. Love yourself. Recognize your toxic behaviors and stop them. Don't try and control your W. Just leave her be.
Get a hobby, start hitting the gym. Keep going to the IC. Be aware that MC will not help anything. It will just be a place for her to "let you get through the issue of her dropping BD with a counselor there". Also, in most cases, when a W goes to IC, the IC will tell them that if they are unhappy to just leave. MC may also say that. I know that when I first caught my wife cheating we went to one MC session. The MC literally said "you are young still, she doesnt want to be married, go get a D and get on with your lives".
They literally help nothing because they are all about the individual and not the marriage. GAL, detach, stop pursuit, stop any controlling behaviors. Drop the rope and let her go. You need to treat this as your M is already over. You need to get to the point where you are happy and know you will be fine and strong enough to either be alone or work on the M if your W decides to work through her own issues and come back to you.
Just remember that nothing you do will help the situation. You will NOT change her mind. The only thing that "may" work is you working on yourself and her seeing that you have positive changes and consistent positive behavior over a very long period of time.
My M did not survive my WWs affair. I decided that I am ok with D and seven months after confirmation of the affair, eight months after BD, my WW finally filed for D and we are now waiting. I was hurting badly until about January 2019. I have since completely dropped the rope and moved on. I am still stressed because I have to move out eventually, but I am in so much of a better place because I started focusing on myself.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
