Wife's MLC is getting ridiculous...

[DnJ]

Good Morning JN

I am sure S10 has a wonderful birthday with you and S12, and at a Japanese restaurant no less.

W not wanting to be part of it. Yeah, that sounds about typical. She is so depressed and angry she can’t even get out of her own way. MLCer’s empathy chips are broken; they can barely handle their own emotions never mind anyone else’s.

My condolences to you and your family on the passing of your Grandma.

I really felt I made a mistake reasoning with her. I'm back to detaching and doing the LRT.

It’s ok. We have all been there.

You are a rational reasonable person, and so was your W. So was your W. She isn’t right now.

She is irrational and ruled by her emotions. Driven by her emotions. Yes, some rational thoughts will come to her, and she see them, then run from the pain and torrent - all that confusion you see from her. She has her past life, a fantasy life, and her current life all pressing inside her head. All active, just imagine if you had all that “current and present” within you. Holy cow! What a mess that would make.

Attempting to reason with her is pointless, she is just incapable of it right now. I know and understand, just how hard it is to let her be. You said lots, with good intentions, and with much love. She will pick what parts of it she wants to hear. However, trust me, she heard you. You don’t need to tell her again - she knows. And she doesn’t want to know.

You are absolutely correct when you saw her pushing your buttons. She is baiting you, to get you into an argument, to justify her actions and her running - to blame you. Even when you didn’t fully jump on the bait, she still blamed you. And her “reasons” make no sense. Might as well get used to that JN - her “reasons” will make no sense.

A lot of her talk is projection of what she is feeling. She can’t blame herself so she blames you. If you look and listen closely you will see “her” in her projections. Now, some of the stuff might hit close to home. That’s ok, look into it, and fix yourself if it is warranted. Make changes for you, and to be the best you possible.

Best way to defuse her attack - ignore it. Defending or attacking back, just doesn’t work - that barely works with rational people. Keep your responses short and business like. Besides her mind is Swiss cheese and she can’t follow a long conversation anyhow. That is just what happens with depression. She needs to come to her conclusion on her own, and in her own time.

Keep with the waiting 24 to 48 hours before responding to her. It lets you gather your thoughts and her to cool down.

And seriously, you did fine. You are in the middle of a strange weird situation; it takes a bit to figure out your bearings. You got some things off your chest, and you learned some stuff. Well done.

Focus on you and the boys.

So, how is your place? Large? Do the boys share a room, or have separate rooms? Play area? Couple of TVs or just one? With two boys I image they have a game system. I’ve got 3 sons and a daughter, so I have a pretty good idea of what you are facing. Your boys would love a Play Station. lol. So would you.

Stay strong.

DnJ