I think I am getting better at this as I am feeling better about myself. My head knows all the right things to do, but my heart gets in the way.
Things continue to be a bit strange. H is still not really going to the gym. This is such a change in behavior as he was spending 2-3 hours there pretty much 6-7 days a week. He teaches classes there a few days a week and this the only time he has gone all week. He continues to text me and I respond, but I have not initiated a text in weeks. He texted me yesterday to ask what I was up to, gym? shopping? I responded by telling him my plans and asked him why. H said he was just wondering what my plans were- he was headed to the store and them making dinner. That's the 4th time this week he has cleaned the house and made dinner. Last night he actually sat and ate with me. It's really casual, sitting in front of the tv, but that's typical for us now that we are empty nesters (for the most part).
This morning over coffee he had much to say. He is nervous about a work trip that involves a big presentation. I just listened and validated. When H said it will be nice to get away and sleep in a bed for a night (company is putting him up in a hotel) I did not respond. I told him at least he will be able to socialize with the group on Sunday which may make the presentation a bit more comfortable for him on Monday. A month ago I would have told him he has a bed, it's his choice to sleep on the couch.
H has a group event he is attending next weekend with a team from the gym. OW is on this team. This morning as H was going over his plans for the next week, noting how busy he was, he mentioned the event and stated that "no one even wants to go anymore, sounded great at first, blah blah blah... just go and get it over with..." I don't even think I responded.
I myself am nervous about an upcoming event that I am attending as OW will be there. I am sure H is nervous as well..... I have never seen her in person, but I have seen pictures. I am a coach for a girl's running team in my district, she is a coach in her district. I don't know if H knows that I am aware that she is a coach. All teams will run a race in 2 weeks. There will be over 1,000 people there so I am hoping to avoid seeing her. My focus will be my team and I am hoping to keep that focus throughout the event. I have been looking forward to this day as it is an important day for the girls and they have worked so hard. I think these girls have helped me just as much, if not more, than I have helped them over the past few months.
I am off to the gym- GAL! I have been journaling the past week and it is helping me a lot. My appetite is back, I am eating well and have gained a few pounds back over the last 2 weeks. I am in a Master's program and will finish my classes in the next few weeks. Just a few more things to do and I will have my degree by the end of the year. I have 3 amazing kids who are grown and doing their own thing. I miss them, but I am super proud of the adults they have become. I have a few friends who have supported me through all of this, I don't know what I would do without them. I have so much good to focus on. I will be ok no matter what.
