Thanks neffer. I do think I lose sight lately when I get caught up in the deadline stuff. Thing is that I’m actually doing a good job with the GAL part. It’s when I’m alone with my thoughts that I get into trouble. I’m getting there with the detached part, slowly, but I’m not there yet, clearly. I think you are right about the counterintuitive aspects of all of this. I think a lot of those things are clear to me on the surface, but I do get nervous about some of them. I have to remind myself over and over that I tried the other stuff (ie being available to him, being vulnerable with him, etc) and they did not work toward my goals. At all. I have to keep that in my mind when the fear and anxiety chimes in. The no deadlines part I’m really struggling with. I’m just not sure how to settle into that mentally...
Othstr, I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I think my filing would be the only way to prove to my H that I’m letting him go, but I also feel strongly that it would be the nail in the coffin Because of his pride/ avoidant nature / path of least resistance personality.
