It's been almost 3 weeks since the last time I posted. Hope all is well with you all.
So we celebrated my S10's birthday dinner with my other S12 at a Japanese restaurant. I did my best to make the evening real special for him since it's a work/school week. W didn't wanna be part of it. I had zero expectations anyway.
Good Friday I was off due to a recognized Spring Holiday at work. W texted me asking where the boys were since they slept over with me the night before. Told her I was off and will drop off the boys around noon. W was upset that I didn't tell her ahead of time that I was off. It's also both my sons' spring break that week. She was also upset because we were just at home and I didn't take them out somewhere to eat for breakfast and that I made plans around noon. My response was short and businesslike; I told her, "tons of groceries at home and to the courthouse is where I'm headed to file my response." I also sent her a text saying I'm picking up the boys to attend my cousin's housewarming on Sat (next day) and that'll only take 3 hours. Her response was, "I made plans already". I called my son the next day and asked if W told them what her plan was, my S12 says, "mom is still figuring it out".
My grandma passed the day after Easter (bless her soul). Sent a text to my W about it and she asked how. Told her I'm getting more info. My mom told me my W sent her a text condoling - mom was surprised. I got info re the viewing so I sent it to my W.
When I went to the courthouse on Good Friday, I didn't know that I needed to serve my W first before filing my response so I had my brother-in-law's wife serve my wife Tue the following week with my response. I got a text from her lashing out how/why I have all these credit card bills (she's exaggerating) (which isn't really her problem since I'm paying it off myself), how I'm never open about my finances (I'm always open; she's the one that wasn't). Started questioning if I ever think about our future at all. Asked when I'm gonna man up and own up to responsibilities. I didn't respond cause I was still formulating a response. She then sent me another text saying, "No response, etc...." that I took advantage of everything and that after 17 years I didn't step up at all. Also said that I talk sh*t about other people's situation. She said I was immature, irresponsible and hypocrite.
She was really trying to push my buttons and I felt I made a mistake by providing a long response. Few hours later I sent me response saying "I've always been honest about my finances and debts and with that said I was still able to provide for my part. Told her money was never an issue for us since we share on everything and she's making it seem like it was. Told her that I am paying off my debt and haven't swipe my credit card(s) for over a year. Told her that all these things she's complaining about are solvable. Told her too that she's making it seem that we never had a life when we really went places, ate everywhere, travel abroad and that we did it all by sharing. Reminded her that we had it good and everyone (our friends/acquaintances) envied us. I told her I've always been a family man, I work and go straight home to her and the boys. Mentioned to her that I even coached/trained and I did it all to make her proud. Mentioned to her I was never a hater nor judgmental about other people's hustle/situation and told her I have no clue where she got this from.
After 2 hrs, she sent me a text saying "So are you gonna man up or quit?" My response was, "what are you talking about now? Do you wanna talk in person? Maybe meet at my apt later so you can at least see my place?" To my surprise, she agreed to meet up with me. She brought the boys with her. As they arrived around 645p, I was smiling cause I was happy to see her and the boys, she was smiling/somewhat laughing but was trying to hold it. I gave her a hug but she made it seem like she didn't want it. We had a conversation, I was listening and was validating. Her concern was more about my debt - I explained myself again. The boys were hungry so I tried ordering pizza for us 4, she said you're spending some more?(not using my credit card) I said I'm just trying to be hospitable since you guys are here. She suggested why not cook something quick instead. I agreed and told her I would. She stayed for an 1 hr 15 min so around 8pm she decided to leave and told me to drop off the boys by 9pm. I told her to stay for dinner but she didn't want to. I didn't force her. That evening, she text me and asked me how I felt when she came over. Told her I was happy that I got to see her and we got a chance to talk in person. I asked what she thought about my place, she didn't reply.
The following day, I sent her a text asking if she will be dismissing her petition. She said she wouldn't and it will take more than a year for her to decide and that I still need to prove to her that I've changed, etc. She gave all these ultimatums (that I'm already doing anyway) and pretty much telling me not to get a life. My response was, I really want us to stay forever that it doesn't seem that she does. Told her what I don't understand she's making these demands and yet there's an ongoing divorce proceeding. I told her that if she really wants to end it, she doesn't need t lead me on. I told her as much as I care about her and the boys I think I'm done. I told her she was confused and she doesn't know what she wants. Told her that she's pretty much telling me "I'm divorcing you, you can't get a life, and you still need to prove yourself". Her response, you can't even do what I ask, that shows that you don't really love me. LOL
I filed my response on 4/26/19.
She came to my grandmas viewing last Sat (an hour away), I was respectful and kind. She said hi to my parents and some relatives whom we haven't seen in years. We ate dinner together and she never looked me in the eyes. She stayed for 1.5 hrs and left with my S10. My S12 rode back with me and spent the night. That evening I sent her a text saying I appreciate her coming to the viewing with no response.
I really felt I made a mistake reasoning with her. I'm back to detaching and doing the LRT.
