It is obvious she is still going through something. I believe you know and can sense it. And you know you can’t shake her awake; oh if only we could.
She has just withdrawn her ideas inward. Seeing her depressed is easier, you know something is going on. She is still depressed and maybe even working through things. Your stepping back, giving her space and time, is such a gift for her and yourself.
Keep with no relationship talks, no pressure, stay the course. Let her lead any serious conversations, and be very careful if and when you engage. And by the way, yes you pulling away has caused her to take notice and engage more. It is an interesting tenuous dance - you pull away they pursue, you pursue they pull away.
Your assessment of feeling like two roommates raising children is accurate, for now. That’s actually a good thing. Let her be. Dig for patience.
As for things like “I think we are just waiting each other out. “ - remember believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. She is operating on emotions. She is totally serious about whatever she says, it is the absolute be all and end all - right until her feelings change. And change they do. She won’t tell you all the changes, she can’t. She know how mixed up that would look.
For now realize where she is. Emotional and in turmoil. Leave her to her thoughts and feelings. Be pleasant and kind; and enjoy the peace and the family time. Keep moving forward and doing your inner work - becoming the best bdp you will be. A man only a fool would leave.
Focus on you and your kids. Her path is all about her, and for her.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
