I didn't tell him about the locks until we were in the car already so he wasn't punishing me for that. It was more habitual/normalised disrespect as opposed to anything malicious. A bit like expecting me to drive to his mums to pick up the keys, he didn't think there was anything wrong with the children sitting up front. I did see him smile when D12 said "Why do you get to sit in the front?" so it probably only hit him that in a way it was pushing me out.
He just doesn't think about me. Kind of like him saying "when were you locked out?" when I told him why I'd changed the locks. Locking me out of the house was such a minor deal to him he had already forgotten about it two days late.
I did end up speaking to him about the children sitting in the front seat when he came to take the girls to school this morning. I picked my time badly as we had just had a conversation about who was looking after the dog this weekend as I am away with the girls. I have booked a sitter. He thinks I should have spoken to him first as he is home this weekend (his schedule says "away"). In any case, I told him I'd spoken to D12 and then said I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He huffed a little, gave me that look that said I was being ridiculous, said "ok" under his breath, then told the girls it was time to go. I sent him a text (in response to one from him re children related logistics) and said "also - wanted to say thanks for backing me up on the car seat thing".
On another note ...
I went to a play center with MIL yesterday. She called to say she was taking BIL's daughter and did the girls want to go. Only D12 was home (D9 had a netball game) so only D12 went. She is too big for the play center but she likes spending time with MIL. MIL and I use to be close, we use to joke about what a [censored[ H could be. Now, she doesn't know what to say to me. I know she would be ecstatic if we got back together, but the longer it goes on the weirder it gets for everyone. So, I was friendly and chatty and avoided R talks. She talks when she's nervous so I didn't need to say much. Just ask a question "how as your holiday" and off she'd go. I don't blame her nervousness and reluctance to see me. She doesn't want to get in the middle of things.
I will say that H's trust issues, his anxiety and his need to be right all the time come from her. Again, not blame. But I think to understand someone (and forgive them) you need to understand where they come from. Doesn't help a toss in terms of R, but it helps the resentment to subside.
When we left I said "Great, I guess I'll see you when I see you". She laughed nervously and replied "you know you're always welcome when the girls come round" knowing full well that it doesn't matter whether I am welcome or not. It is up to H to invite me ...
