Moving on to the bright side Part 25

[DonH]

In two weeks it will be 4 months

Wow, rationalization really is a strong drive. In two weeks it will be four months? Huh? Or put another way, right now at 3.5 months it's just two weeks past the half way point! Funny how rules are just guidelines or rules are meant to be broken when we want to break them! More rationalization.

Here's the thing, this 6 month "rule" is meant as an absolute bare minimum. Many say it is one year in fact I've seen many report that their actual divorce decree says they have to wait one year to introduce kids. It's something they both agreed on or at least negotiated to - based on very sound advice.

Here's the even bigger thing - this is not about you or the doctor or anyone else - it's about YOUR KIDS. That should be the most important thing here - your young kids, who have already gone through a whole lot because of this D. If you think it's okay to bend the rules and risk the kids - by all means, go ahead and do it now. But make no mistake, if you go ahead and blend things now, you are doing what is best for you or for doctor - NOT what is best for your kids.

This is the first R you've been in post D. You are the first guy with this doctor to even make it past three months. Is it really worth the risk? It may go well. It may go fine. It may not be an issue - or the kids might get introduced, start to get attached, really like her son, really like her only for something to break the two of you apart. THIS is what this MINIMUM 6 month rule is about. I get the feeling even if you do wait, you'll be counting down the days and on day 183 you'll introduce everybody. That's not even how the "experts" (not us here on this board but real experts) suggest it be done. They say wait a MINIMUM of 6 months because that is the MINIMUM amount of time it takes to have a small ability to know who this other person is. It may well take more than a year to be sure - or at least reasonably sure.

And I might add, we are more talking about younger kids here although the "rule" does apply to older as well. It's the biggest deal for those in the single digits. It's less difficult for teens and far less difficult for adult children of D'd parents. But for those who are 3 or 4 or 6 or even 10, it's a much, much bigger deal.

But whatever you do, please, please, please keep in mind this is not about what you want. It's not about what the doctor wants. It's about what is best for your kids - or at least it should be.