How very true FS. I think one of my problems is the feeling of 'missed opportunity.' I will always believe that we had a fair chance of sorting this out but he had options - the downgrade who was telling him everything he wanted to hear - or his marriage which had gone a bit stale.
If I'd realised how he was feeling a couple of years ago then I'm convinced she wouldn't have got a look in. Other women haven't for 25 years and I don't think it's because she's particularly special. Missed opportunity.
I know what I should do in terms of D and house sale. I also know deep down that I am not ready, or that I don't want to do both at once. The vital thing is financial protection and maybe I take a risk and just do that rather than doing it via divorce.
If I'm only doing it for protection reasons and not because I want to be divorced, then that doesn't feel right. And I think it should feel absolutely right.
I think I'm probably acknowledging that to issue a Divorce petition within 9 months of separation does not feel respectful to a marriage of 27 years. Sod him, I'm talking about the respect that I had for my marriage.
Whereas the house has to be sold and i have to separate my finances or I fear I may end up bankrupt.
I cannot and have not said any of this to anyone IRL. Who would possibly understand? I also believe that I can continue my growth and independence whether or not I get divorced.
So, what a strange place to be. I do not want to be in a marriage with this man, but I also don't want to divorce him at the moment.
