Yeah I guess I am the pursuer if she is the distancer. And yes that is changing.
As for the confusion, I knew it was getting late I think it was 12am when I wrote that and it was hard to try and remember convos with her word for word or the timing over a week. As for my feelings, I’m guarded and every so often I want to let the walls down so I can pick up her vulnerability. If I was hard, dismissive, and always matter of factly, she’d not want to come back. The trick is trying to navigate thru this cake eating and thawing. It’s easier to ask well has anything changed and if not we continue about our normal business. If the right thing to do is wait before dating her again for an admission of guilt then that is what I am waiting on. From what I’ve read to seen, if there is an AP that cord needs to be cut first and if we can’t even get to the first step of being honest about that then that dating will still be under the veil of deceit. That’s just how I feel and maybe the confusion lies around that. If there were any expectation it would be a hurtful truth as an indication to me that she is finally coming around to possible recon. Not sure if dating would equate to that. Just saying what I would imagine the first step to be like towards recon.
I think I can do the dating, have sex, enjoy her company and have no expectations better than she can. This is where I didn’t want to misrepresent myself or come across as careless. For some living in the moment could be seen that way. That could sound conflicting, living in the moment with no expectations to guard our feelings vs believing what a foundation should look like for a possible MR 2.0, built on some honesty in the form of admission or truth of what happened. Yeah it all sounds confusing to me too.
Sometimes trying to think about it all and put it into words is a bit much. I am seeing some of her steps inthe right direction toward recon but the remorse and truth of what happened isn’t there.
I need to stay the course as a single father getting his life straightened out and not get caught up in my feelings.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
