I'd have been hacked off about that car seat thing too, FS - and I think you did the right thing in speaking to your daughter about it. I suspect your H was enjoying it a bit - and it probably was to do with the locks - but who knows? In the past I would have allowed either of my children to do precisely that to H and if he'd have got upset about it (and his upset would have involved a tantrum or going on the attack about something else) I'd have treated him with complete contempt for a) making a fuss about something so tiny and b) showing his upset in such an immature way. We'd have both been right in some respects, and the whole thing would have been avoided if I'd have participated in requiring the kids to show him proper respect. So you've pricked my conscience a bit this morning!
If you were going to say something to your husband, it might go down better if you frame it in terms of what is best for your daughter. She's obviously finding aspects of the separation very challenging and perhaps you asking your H to show that you both have a firmly united front as parents (perhaps that is one of the things she was testing, if only subconsciously) would help her feel more secure? Do you think he'd be open to hearing that?
