Adam: you sound very confused and I'm sure she's picking up on that. You did really well telling her how she distances, maybe you could come up with suggestions on how to handle that? As a distancer myself it's a way of handling rejection and overwhelming emotion. You could suggest having a 30 minute timeout if she feels like she needs to leave, that could be a good start. I'm assuming if she's a distancer then you are the pursuer? But it seems like that's a behaviour you're changing, which is good.
I haven't read all of your sitch, but do you guys just go out on dates ever, just the two of you? If not, I highly recommend you start there. I know neither of you want to get hurt and both of you want to R (really, she does, I know you feel untrusting but it seems like she's realised how much she has to lose). So if you go back to basics, take her out somewhere new and do something nice together (activities are good, they take the pressure off unlike face to face dinners) then maybe you can start to rebuild, nice and slowly. Which seems weird when you've had sex, but hey at least you know that side of it is still good right?
