13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

Been a couple of days since my last entry, and I have been doing good. Feel like journaling my thoughts, and what better place to do so, and get some feedback than here..

Whats new regarding me and my ex? Absolutely nothing, she has her life, and I am living mine - it works .

Today we had the sales meeting with the broker, and it went really good. Ex is very very eager to get the house sold, so she can move on with OM, so she wanted to have the biggest advertising package money can buy - This situation doesnt work for me and the kids either, so we decided, that it was the thing to do.

I feel calm and in control when I am around her these days. Its really nice, since I used to be really attentive to her body language, her tone of voice and it was really really stressfull. It all just made me mindread into a lot that probably wasn't even what she was displaying anyways - I like me better this way.

The real estate broker wants to have an open house in the coming weekend and my ex then said, that she was not able to since she was going on a weekend trip with her new boyfriend. I just let it pass, and told the broker, that I would be able to make ends meet, and the open house should be possible (Lets get this house sold shall we!).

I have been 180ing on my NG attitude, and I should had done that a long time ago (Hello Sandi2 with the great advice, that I did not / was not, able to follow at the time) - what does that mean? It basically means that I am at a place now, where its not an "effort" for me, to respond / do things that I want or that benefits me and the kids. I am no longer attached to a feeling of "well how will she take it / respond to me, doing that or this".. Thats deliberating to say the least.

There are some temp checks - at least I think.

She called me 10 minutes before the meeting and asked if she should hold me a parking spot - I kindly declined (I am a big boy, I can find my own parking spot :D) - then at the meeting the broker went for some papers in the printer, and she got a text. She then instantly showed me her phone, and said it was from a colleague and began to blabber about the content - I didn't even know what to say, so I said nothing and just smiled.

She then tried to excuse the fact that she couldn't attend the open house because of her trip to that isle she was going to. I replied: "Thats fine. I've always wanted to go to that isle, sounds great, have a good time!".

After the meeting we walked to the parking lot, and she talked about our kids, and I listened. When we came to her car, she stopped up and turned to me, I guess expecting a hug. I am just fed up, so I just said "Kiss the kids from me, see you" and smiled as I walked off. <--- Rude? I dont really think so - that woman has caused me and my kids so much grief, so I dont really feel like doing anything at all with her.

My current boundary (which she is informed of): I dont want to do things together as a family, because I need to move on with my life - and right now, the way to move on, is to distance myself from this mess and be there for me and my children. That means that she can contact me regarding financials and kids, and everything else is no longer my business.

Cross the boundary? She has a couple of times, and honestly, I dont know what to do about it, can't really do anything I guess. Fact is, I just do not reply to anything not related to the two above mentioned subjects.

Other than that - hoping to get a condo for me and the kids soon. I feel ready to date, and I think I need to get out there in order to really 120% move on with my life. I want to go on trips, go eat nice food, experience new exiting things, and learn about new people - that is what I am going to focus on, as soon as me and the kids are settled in properly, and they are showing signs of being alright in this mess.

Thoughts?

I wanna especially thank some of the people on here, who has been extremely helpful and has aided me in my quest to be a better, stronger and happier Hurt: Ballast, AS, Steve, neffer, LH, sandi, R2c, and most likely I am forgetting some, sorry.

You are all very special people.