180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

I can't help but wonder why she wants to go together when I've been fine with her going alone.

From looking at your thread, Steve, it seemed at first you kind of tried to buck the idea that yours was anything but cookie cutter WW. I think I'm in a similar boat, I don't want to think of it as cookie cutter because there is plausible deniability w.r.t the EA, and it's also plausible that she actually is trying through going to IC and given that she's insisted that she wants the marriage and wants to fix it. The IC saying (supposedly) that she's not ready for couples counseling yet because of her mental state is also a confounding factor. Her insistence that she does not want to separate or move out is a confounding factor.

I guess I keep coming back to this: what if this is honest and above board for the most part, and the vacation is an earnest attempt to connect away from the stresses of work and home? I've not resisted a bit each time separate vacation comes up, but she refuses to take it.

I'm also hesitant to be so wishy-washy about the vacation. A few weeks ago, we both wanted it. She talked to her IC about it. IC green-lighted so long as it's not stressful. I hate to keep changing my message. If I'm honest with myself, I do want to go with her as long as there's not some "just friends" label. I just can't be assured that she's being honest with me because all I have is words, and I'm trying to be aware of the fact that I'm looking for hope, that maybe she's trying to break out of the fog. Maybe shes wrestling with it because there is no way the OM is viable from what I can tell. I think its just a flirt/fantasy thing so far even at 6 months.

Shes had the opportunity to spring for separation, for moving out, never brought up divorce, and has never said shes considering those things unless it's under the IC-mentioning-it umbrella. So either it's more illusion and she's using IC as an excuse, or she really wants to try. it all comes back to two things for me though: ILYBINILWY, and "attractive but not attracted to you" which I guess goes back to respect as a man. Which makes me think maybe the rest of this just doesn't matter.

How do you know when they really are being honest that they want to try, anyways? Do they want to try before they are back "ILWY" ? 'is it tepid at first?