Survived the night and now at work, hopefully the damage from yesterday's mistakes was minimal.

During the R talk, the subject of effort came up. I'd mentioned that the reason I didn't want to do the joint vacation was because of the state of the relationship, she probed, and I cited that I didn't want to go as just friends, and it turned into me explaining that I know she's putting effort into someone else, and she also asked about distance to which I responded "for example you sleep as far as possible from me and don't wear your engagement ring anymore." I know these things were mistakes, and the whole planned conversation I had that got derailed was a mistake.

But last night I got home after she asked what I wanted from the grocery store and she had her ring on, and we were pleasant with each other, even a couple of jokes. When we got in bed she cuddled up against me and I was already mostly asleep, so we ended up spooning.

I woke up this morning and we were talking about how we slept so (maybe mistake) I mentioned that she was cuddly last night. She then said "well after you lectured me yesterday I figured I'd give it a shot". I calmly told her that if I gave her the impression that I wanted her to do anything she didn't want to do, that that was not my intent, and that I understand she needs to figure things out without that kind of pressure. I then went to do some other things around the house, walk the dog, etc. She said she loved me in a happy way before she left and gave me a hug.

She also seems to now want to go on vacation as two people who are trying, but I've maintained that we don't have to go together, but she insists she prefers to go together. I'm not going to press on this anymore, last thing I want is an R talk, and I'd rather go and be cool than get into more bad talks. I really see no rational reason why she'd prefer for me to go unless shes trying to keep me on the back burner strongly.

So many mistakes still, but I'm learning I hope. I just need to stop them in real-time and not the next day. And I need to realized that everything I just saw and heard could mean absolutely nothing. I really hate having R talks myself now. I had a much better experience the other night when she was talking and I knew to sit and listen /validate and not say any more than necessary. Until yesterday, I made it a good run without one and it's much more pleasant. Instead of not starting them, I'm going to start loosely avoiding them if a situation like yesterday comes up again. Most importantly, I've got to stop overthinking and fixating. I have to get back into my own head somehow.

Last edited by oops13; 05/01/19 01:40 PM.

May: discover PA
April: MC pending IC, back in MBR, discover EA
March: different bedrooms, IC
Jan 19: ILYBINILWY