Each person is different, therefore, their responses will be different in their situations. Whether this man is a true alpha or not, he has chosen a path that may be different than yours or mine. This forum is about attempting to save your marriage, but more importantly learning to use the DB tools and techniques that are offered here. I respect the fact that RR17 is attempting to work on the issues at hand. Let's offer this poster our support even though we may disagree w/the way he is handling things. Each and every poster comes here to learn how to deal w/what has happened to their spouses, relationships and, of course, themselves.
I have been here for quite some time and this forum provided me w/the tools to move forward and to move on. Sure people posted telling me to move on, kick the spouse to the curb, but I, and only I had to make that decision because no one was walking in my shoes and only knew a small part of my life, which I shared here. I am here now to pay it forward and offer assistance wherever I can.
Only the poster will know when he/she is ready to move on. We are sitting on the outside looking in. We may see things that we can relate to because of our situations, but each and every poster has to walk the path and only then, can he/she determine what is best for them. Let's encourage our posters to walk the path, learn about themselves as they face the struggles and one day, he/she will see the light...but until then let's allow them the time and space to figure things out for themselves.
Remember...we aren't walking in his shoes.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
One thing I have realized in this group and perhaps it is obvious to others here is as Job has stated, we all tend to advise through the lens of our own personal experiences. I believe that most everyone here is intending to help others and I hope to do the same. Sometimes that help is not easily excepted and that's to be expected. If the prudent options were so obvious to us while stuck in the thick of it, we wouldn't need the group. Right?
Some people need to create a distance from their spouse. I get that. Hopefully, it can be achieved while still in the home, for reasons discussed elsewhere in these pages. Sometimes that is not possible. Only we can know and often only after we try. If you are in danger, then don't wait. Many times leaving without the full intent of divorce is simply a Contol Tactic. I think it is important to know why one decides to leave the home.
Much of the pain and distress that we experience while in this, is Growing Pains. As we realize where the MR got off track and how we contributed to it, hopefully, we learn and correct that behavior. Missing out on this opportunity would be unfortunate and a real shame. Not a lot of fun, but a tremendous opportunity. IMO Soak it in regardless of why the final outcome may be. You'll be a better person because of it.
Peace and Love.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So W just returned from a 4-day business trip. She seems happy to be home. For some reason, I feel like I should do or try something. (besides move out)
Thoughts?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So W just returned from a 4-day business trip. She seems happy to be home. For some reason, I feel like I should do or try something. (besides move out)
Thoughts?
What do you have in mind
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I realize that having an R talk after being rejected is a tricky maneuver and even perhaps counterproductive.
I'm still pondering the options.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
