Legal update: Preliminary disclosure of assets / debts / obligations is completed by my L, I believe. All I need to do is sign, return, and then off to L’s office for further processing. Any day now W and her L will be served with a response.
Basically, tonight was a similar replay of last night, in almost every respect.
Division of stuff for the boys, and I’ve been giving input on what I would also would like to stay.
What that also means is another discussion with W / STBXW.
In a virtual replay of last night, she said that she believes that about a year ago, I stopped communicating with her.
She wants to know why, and what happened? Was I angry at her? Was I angry at her for being pregnant? Was I angry that she couldn’t help out as much around the house? Was it her other responsibilities at work?
Me: We both know the answer to that question.
Did something happen to me? Did something happen at work? Did SOMEONE else happen?
W: Was it YS?
Me: I would NEVER blame YS for anything.
She said that she’s tried, but I’ve stopped. (Like I’ve dropped the rope?)
Towards the end of the conversation: She wants to know what she said or did, so she can fix it, if it can even be fixed? Wants to know if we can sit down and talk with a therapist about this?
The conversation ended something like this:
She wants to know if I will talk with her about it?
Me: I’ll have to think about that one
W asked me if I’ve been talking with a therapist
Me: Yes, I’ve been talking with a therapist
W: Is it helping?
Me: I think so
She walked away, looked to be on verge of tears.
——————————————————————- This is just astonishing. Absolutely astonishing. This must truly be the WAS fog. She must clearly have no recollection of the anger she had at me for getting her pregnant. How angry she was at me, and that she told me often that she was angry. The ILYBINILWY, the “I wish I loved you enough to want to take care of you” when I threw out my back in February 2018. None of this registers with her.
For the record, and for those new to my thread, I was never angry with her for being pregnant. If anything, in Fall 2017, before all this started, I wanted another child so desperately. I am so, so overjoyed at having YS, though I am heartbroken about losing him half-time with the custody arrangement, which starts on Thursday. (At least I get him all to myself on Saturday evening / night, as OS has a camping outing that W and her mom are taking him to.) I accepted early on in the pregnancy that I would try to do more around the house—in fact, in earlier threads, I had it pointed out to me, and probably acknowledged myself, that trying to be SuperDad / SuperHubby wouldn’t get her back. Can’t nice them back.
Nothing happened to me—except the ILYBINILWY, which I don’t know if she remembers. But I do—I couldn’t forget it if I tried. That’s what changed everything, and her talking about how she wasn’t even sure she still wanted to be married to me. It set me into a panic, like it has for most LBS’s.
Someone else certainly did NOT happen—I don’t have the extra time, extra money or extra energy to cheat or have an affair, probably even if I wanted to. If anything, I still totally wanted her—to do anything I could have to save the MR. At least until October / November when I began to truly realize that there was no coming back from this, that she truly wanted out, was done, and was full-steam ahead on S / D. Even back in November I still totally wanted her sexually, and she rejected me a couple of times and ONLY THEN did I get the hint, but then she said a couple of months ago that I ‘never wanted to have sex with her again’ because, according to her, I found it ‘sinful.’
Now she brings up talking with a therapist? Those who have followed my threads would remember that she would only consider MC under specific conditions, anyway.
I just can’t say enough how astonishing this all is. The projection, the blame-shifting. She was so angry with me for being pregnant for so long, with later talk of separation, and now all this, 2 nights before she leaves.
And here we go again. I have to wonder if Wednesday will bring Day 3 of this, again—I sure hope not. If that’s the case, I’ll need to shut it down before it starts.
