Holy cow! It's Tad...

[Gerda]

Gerda checking in with more ((((Tad))))). I have gotten lots of replies on my threads like the ones you are getting here. Though everyone writes with love and your best interests at heart, these calls for courage and strength always made me feel bad, since I was unable to do what all the people who were writing seemed to be able to do. Then I would not only be heartbroken and beaten down by what was happening in my life, but also about my inability to be the detached, strong, loving, person I wanted to be.

My point is just -- you will get there. When you are ready. If you aren't ready yet, that's okay too. It doesn't mean you will miss every baby shower. Just this one. You won't miss the baby him/herself. Just the day when your son and his wife open gifts for the baby. You'll be at many weekends. But this particular weekend, you find it too stressful to have to encounter the people who hurt you so much.

Or maybe the morning of the shower, you'll suddenly be hit with some superhuman courage and detachment and you'll go.

EITHER WAY IS FINE. You'll get there when you get there. In marriage ministries, we pray for our spouse to have a heart of flesh again. A heart of stone allows the MLCer to do what s/he does. You have a heart of flesh, and that's a good thing, even if right now it's keeping you from the next step on your journey.

Of course we all know how freeing forgiveness is, how freeing unconditional love is, how you don't want those who dismantled your family to then take away future event enjoyment from you. All of this is obvious. But that doesn't mean you can do it here and now, for this first event, just because you know it would be better for you. You'll get there. No pressure to be there this weekend. Forgive yourself for not being ready if you aren't. Try again the next time.