I am post-D and I unfortunately didn't bust my D, but I need some help, perspective, 2x4 etc. LH has often said to me it has to get worse before it get better. I feel like both are happening congruently. My personal, social, career life are on this big uptick. The sitch with my XW from the outside might look like its better or at least on the level, but I feel like its a continual degradation. She has turned into a real piece of work and I barely recognize her anymore.
A couple of weeks ago XW brought the kids to D8 game. It was cold and wet and S3 what running around with no shoes on, just socks. I asked XW where was his shoes. She said she is making him responsible for his own shoes and he forgot them. I said our 3 year old is running around soaking his socks on this cold day and you are telling me he forgot his shoes. She then got sheepish and said she messed up and forgot his shoes.
XW lets kids watch youtube unfettered. I don't like this as I found inappropriate videos the kids have stumble upon in the past. I sent XW news articles about some of the pedos rings and other problems and she agreed to remove youtube from her house or at least sit down and watch it with the kids. Did she do this? Nope. When the kids ask me to let them watch youtube I tell them no. Their response is well mommy lets us watch it as long as we promise to not watch bad shows. OK great, its now up to my 3, 5,& 8 year old to police their own content on the tablets she bought them.
XW is trying to use me as a bank. She wants to pay me her portion for schooling and then have me pay the school everything. I told her no. Despite the fact that she makes more than me, she is having a hard time paying the school on time because of her poor spending habits. I am not bankrolling that train wreck.
I found out by what the kids told my mom, that XW uses my house as a scapegoat for punishment. Ex if you kids don't behave I am going to take you to your dads house, drop you off at your dads house, have you live with your dad.
Two weeks ago XW broke some things in her new house and asked me to come fix them. I told her no, she can take care of it, but if she gets stuck she could call me and I could walk her through this. In hindsight I just should have said no and left it at that. Anyway, she texts me or speaks to me about needing her home fixes at D8 games. When are you going to fix it, when are you coming over to take care of my problems, etc. I finally had enough and said I am not going to fix your problems you need to get your dad to do it. Well guess who showed up to fix it. OM and his boy. So of course she introduces him to the kids as Mommy's friend. So I guess he did all of her honey dos and then they went and played "family" in the backyard afterwards. I guess OM has 3 kids, one in her 20s from one woman and two teens from another. I don't like the fact that she has brought this bozo around or that his kids are so much older than mine. I kind of understand the mindset of some of the people on here, but I don't trust this guy or his kids. I am not sure what was the best way to handle it. I told my kids they may be mommy's friends, but they are still strangers to you. Don't be alone with them, and if they make you feel awkward, touch you, or hurt you, then I need to know immediately. I have heard enough horror stories to not be foolish enough to turn a blind eye and think it couldn't happen to me and my kids.
What kind rubs me raw about this among other things was that XW set up all these rules upon D. For example no kid introductions for at least 6 month of dating, and the other parent meets them before kid introductions. I don't want to be the Divorce Police, but why did she want all these rules if she isn't going to follow them. It sure seems like I am the only one running things by her to follow our agreement while she does whatever the heck she wants.
As always there is much more to this pile of B.S., but these are the only things off the top of my head worth mentioning right now.
She generally is a lying @sshole towards me unless she wants something. My cup is starting to get too full and I am trying to not get to the tipping point. Last weekend at D8 game she pulled some BS on me and blamed me for something she messed up. I temporarily lost my cool and snapped at her pretty damn harshly in front of my mom. Trying to stay on the high road I did later apologize to her for snapping at her in front of my mom, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't have even done this. It wasn't like she apologized for disparaging me in front of my mom for something that wasn't even my problem. I feel like I have the mongol horde at the gates and I am going to have to fight them off for another 15 years. Good grief!
Any vets, any post-D people, heck anyone have some advice I sure would appreciate it!
Last edited by Twofeet; 04/30/1905:13 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
