Seeing H yesterday was mainly cordial. He was exhausted and has a big assessment today he was very anxious about. I just got my stuff together and treated him in a warm but distant manner. I mentioned that I'd done some changes to the routine and what I expected from Eldest (so he knew what he was supposed to do chores-wise while I was out) and he sneered and made a sarcastic comment. I said, 'That's not okay. You can leave if you want. But if you're here we all need respect from you,' and he didn't respond at all - but he did act a lot more respectful after that. It was fine when I got back - I gave him a hug and said I knew he was stressed and I wished him well for tomorrow. He sent goodnight text message - which is starting to become a usual thing for him.
I know he gets sarcastic when he feels threatened - it is his passive aggressive way of communicating something is happening that he doesn't like. I will never ever ever be subject to it without saying something ever again - I just can't. I can't stand by while he makes catty and mean remarks - totally unprovoked - about my child. Having said that, I was telling him off like he was a child (my tone was really calm and direct, I wasn't shouting or whining) and that doesn't feel good either. I was prepared to kick him out and stay in with the kids if he wasn't able to act respectfully towards them and me in my home - that's my boundary and I think he knew it.
