Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY part 2

[mikeyb]

Just a vent/journaling post.

Sunday I was with my friend, we went out to lunch then I helped him with a landscaping project he's got going on. We talked about a plan for me to stay with him to help get me back on my feet. I got to say having him as a friend has been a blessing. He knows what I'm going through as he's been there himself. It's been good to have a great friend like that, when he was going through his D I was the same way, helping him get through it. Anyway, I'll be staying with him, my parents will take the pets for the time being, and I will store my stuff in their storage unit. So I'm good on that front.

While I was at my friend's we were discussing the situation, and this was the first time I had said it but it's how I'm really starting to feel. There is a part of me that still wants to work out the issues with my W, but there is an ever growing part of me that says NO! I'm starting to feel that after all the things she did, the ways that she has treated me since BD and the pain she has put me through, that I don't feel as if I could ever open myself back up to her, to allow myself the possibility of feeling that pain again. And if I did, I would always have that stuck in the back of my mind.

I feel myself getting closer and closer to the point that I can't wait for her to bring me those papers and just sign away this chapter of my life and begin the next. But I'm not 100% there yet, just much closer.