Hope: there is a difference between encouraging his bids and pursuing him! If he is that much of a distancer you SHOULD encourage his bids, because it takes a lot for a distancer to make a bid. So if you spot a bid, encourage him GENTLY, don't smother him, don't go overboard, just respond in a relaxed way. And then make your own bids low key. If the distancer moves towards the pursuer a bit and the pursuer backs off a bit then you can both have a bit more equality in the relationship and doing it gently will make both of you feel safer. Well, that's my take. I'm still learning a lot about how to pursue a bit but not too much, having been a distancer it is hard work for me but gets easier. I find texts easiest of all.
