1. 5 years of credit cards showed he purchased from 3 different liquor stores every one week and averaged between 250 and 350 per month. I also found times that I remembered we were on vacation and he told me he was going for a drive to see a mountain and really it was a liquor store.
2. He didn’t wake up in the morning to alarms blaring.
3. ATM withdrawals for 3 years back showed he was leaving work at really weird times of the day and driving to bad neighborhoods sometimes an hour from his job to withdraw 700 dollars a week. That’s in addition to 100 dollars a day.
4. He had depleted his IRA and had credit card debt that made no sense. He had just been paying off the minimum for years.
5. I found tons of empty jack daniels bottles (12 to 15) in his desk and my parents found a bunch hidden in the trash. I actually took pictures and showed it privately to our marriage counselor and she told me she didn’t think he was an addict. Just that he was using alcohol as a crutch because of our marital problems. I also showed it to his mom who told me that he always liked to collect bottles. I tried to tell her later about the money so that if there were problems she could stage an intervention but she didn’t want to get involved and my guess was scared about custody loss (he didn’t want much custody but I don’t know if she knows that)
6. I confronted him and he admitted to a drinking problem. I asked him to take a drug test and he declined. He told me that if marijuana showed up I would use it against him ( I would not have cared about marijuana) . He asked me what drugs I thought he was taking and I told him coke. And he laughed at me and said with his heart issues?? And then told me if I mandate testing he could lose his job.
If you ever met him, or saw him you would never ever think he was an addict. He comes across and humble and responsible. He has a really great professional job. He is super smart. Went to top schools. Well dressed. Drives a luxury car.
When I first met him when we were in our early 20/ he didn’t even like to drink (liked pot). Round time son was born I noticed he would drink at night and just thought it was a night cap. He would be up till really late like 3 or 4 and would tell me it worked better that way with work and dealing with clients in different time zones. I also remember once when we first started dating that a friend of mine told me he did coke and I asked him and he said he just tried it. So I believed him. I experimented in my youth as well (not with coke). I do remember that right before son was born he had a back injury that needed surgery and it mysteriously went a way the week before his surgery. So maybe he was taking pain meds.
So I don’t have actual proof like an admiral or drug tests. Just this info. We kept separate credit cards and bank accounts and I just trusted that he was saving like me.
