The aftermath - OrangeK

[OrangeK]

I still feel somewhat misunderstood here which isn't necessarily A Bad Thing. it's probably just born from the fact that most of my updates are done on my phone via voice to text during the day as opposed to sitting down on my computer in the evening and actually typing out well thought-out responses. It's amazing how your own mind can play tricks on you. When I was dating Mary I thought that I was 100% probably done with the whole situation with the exception of court. I then learned that I shouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place, I know what you all say about mind reading and I'm obviously not 100% innocent of doing that. That being said I do still get the feeling that none of my post to your should be about her at all, which is kind of the point of coming here in the first place to give me a non bias place to vent my thoughts and feelings, about my divorce. I guess I think I would benefit more from conversations about why and logic as opposed to everybody just jumping on the you shouldn't have done that bandwagon. Hindsight being what it is I shouldn't have married or even dated to begin with. If we all had a hindsight ahead of time none of us would ever make mistakes. Touching on the conversation I had with my sister-in-law, like I said, I liken it to being a recovering addict. Recovered addicts must face Temptation everyday, for me the Temptation is interfering with ex-wife life as well as going off on tangents trying to figure out what she's doing. 95% of the time my thoughts and focus is on logical avoidance of these things however I cannot control my subconscious thought processes and have no say in whether or not something reminds me of her or our situation or other such things. I do my best to put those thoughts away when they do pop subconsciously into my mind but obviously I'm not perfect. I'm doing my best to struggle with the Temptations of my addiction. My addiction to her. My addiction to the illusion that was our relationship. Honestly I'm really glad that she is moving on and doing things yet again the same way she always has, it has just provided concrete proof that I have been in the right this whole time above the way that she is no way that she treats people. it's all quite a shame. you can really trace it all the way back to her parents in the way they raised her. part of me still wishes that she was the person she pretends to be and the person she thinks she is. the most astonishing thing to me is her ability to lie to herself. But again that's not my issue, I would love to hear what you all do to compartmentalize these thoughts and keep them out of your head because that seems to be my issue. Even if I'm not actively looking into her life or what she's doing, she still pops into my head on a daily basis and I would really like that to go away. Most often it's not because I miss her or because I'm mad at her or anything like that. Most commonly it's just something that casually reminds me. I have a lot to look forward to this summer and I'm looking forward to being too busy to think about this sort of thing