When she says she just looks at me like a friend with no attraction or loving feelings and doesnt think they will return, kinda killed it for me. We tried this whole process about 5 years ago, but it just keeps coming back to the same thing. I put a lot into the marriage after that, forgave her and trusted her, and she did it again. Even after the whole drug addiction (which she still says was under control.....big red flag) I still loved her and did everything to get her help. Was I hard, yes, but I have plenty of family that were addicted b4 and if you are not hard, they dont get clean. I dont have it in me to go through this whole process yet again, esp when she says she would rather work on just herself and figure out who she is, and what she wants, and then work on us if that is what she decides.
So we have multiple affairs, drug addictions, lying (big and small), MLC, and now an STD and top of everything else.
Yeah, I don't blame you one bit for wanting to move on. Like Steve said though, make sure you've given it all you have (and it sounds like you have). That's what I did in my sitch. I don't believe in divorce and did everything I could to try to make it work. Yet here I am, in the process of getting a divorce. Like I said earlier, when drugs are involved, it's a whole different animal. My W is addicted to prescription pain killers. We separated for about 7 months back in 2013 and then tried to reconcile. She went to rehab and it looked like things were getting better, but looking back, her fantasy fell through and I was just a back up plan. Wash, rinse, repeat. A few years later it was the same song and dance. I heard the same things you were hearing. I want to work on myself and figure out what i want and then we can work on us. That just translated into I'm moving out to get high and bang other dudes while you stay here and take care of the kids by yourself until my fantasy falls apart and I come back like I did last time. W also had the same characteristics of not having any goals, watching TV all the time, and the whole ILYBINILWY thing going on. And I agree, she has no idea what love really is. But I think that's how most addicts are. Constantly chasing a high, and if the butterflies and excitement aren't there then you aren't in love. Move onto the next dude that can temporarily give them to you. Just make sure D is what you really want, because once you pull the trigger, there's no going back. I can tell you that I'm the happiest I've been in years. But I also don't want to be the guy on the divorce busting boards promoting divorce. I 100% support putting in the work to make things work. But at the same time I realized that sometimes things get so broke that you can't fix them. Hang in there...
Here's my most recent thread in case you're interested. Fair warning, it's a $hitshow, but so much better now. Lol...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
