180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

Working with them really [censored]. I tried to go out and enjoy my lunch and stay detached today, but it appears they went to lunch together and she rode with him (of course she's told me they don't go to lunch together in the past).

Even so, I keep oscillating between wanting to work it out and just filing myself because of how much it hurts. But then I realize I shouldn't be thinking that way and am forced to take ownership of how awful I was for years and that my lack of backbone, manhood, leadership, and basically being a man-child led her here, and that hurts worse. I can't imagine her ever respecting me again after all of that. But all of that is the kind of thinking that got me here: impatience, frustration, over-thinking, and lack of optimism and respect for myself and her. Phew.