[DonH]

I don’t consider pot a drug, but that’s a whole other debate.

It sure is and it sure is. We can certainly debate if it's harmful, how harmful it is, if it's useful, for what, when and how much. Certainly all of that is up for debate. But if it's a drug or not????? You're a nurse for crying out loud. Certainly you know it meets criteria to be classified as a drug.

Rationalization really is one of the strongest human drives.

Juju your son is clearly very wise. It's so common and uncanny for kids to blame themselves for things that happen. I don't think many of us realize how common this is. Please reassure your son that he was not the glue and is still not. Reassure him that everything that went on would have happened even in his absence. Please let him know he is in no way responsible for any of it.

As for addiction and heredity, you are correct about all you state. However has your ex h addiction ever been confirmed? I know that you strongly suspect but has he ever been diagnosed or do you have actual proof? If so, later in life, likely teen years, telling S that addiction runs in the family may be prudent - but only if confimred that it really does. And yes, pot very much does count.