Well, it's been just about a month since we started trying to "work on us". I feel like it's going well, though I am having issues. We're taking things slowly... We're trying to build up a new, better relationship between the two of us, but we also recognize that we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves. She is staying in her new place for now, renovating it by herself with the intent of making it an investment property for us (also as a form of spiritual/emotional therapy).
We've been spending a lot of time together, mostly at her place so she can work on her renovations. Seeing her friends and knowing that some of them hung out together with the OM is... difficult. I catch myself getting mad at strangers for being complicit in the whole ordeal (I never show it, but I certainly feel it). To her credit, my W has purged what were her and OM's mutual friends from her life, even before reaching out to me. Our time together has been really good - there is still chemistry there and we really enjoy our time together and with the boys. Most of the time, it just feels right to have the family together.
We've agreed on no sex for the time being - I need the time to process my own emotions; I had forgiven her relationship with OM in the context of us never getting back together, but now that we're working on the marriage, I find that forgiveness is a lot more complicated. Spending time at her house, being in her bedroom knowing they had sex there leaves me in a weird emotional state - I'm not even sure what emotion(s) I feel in those moments. I'll be more than glad when she moves back in to my (our?) home. I'm going to take some time and create some space for myself. She wants the time so that she can focus on herself without distraction; her relationship with OM really messed her up emotionally because it was just so out of alignment with her morals/values.
I find myself doubting the whole process of reconciling. Trust has become an issue, something I've never had to work through in a relationship before. I trust that her heart is in it right now and that she isn't lying or trying to manipulate me, but the sense of permanence/loyalty is gone.
