I think that time limit might help me. Will have to think about how to phrase that.
When it comes to it, I can't control what he feels or how he chooses to express that feeling. My choices are to listen or end the conversation, and how I might want to respond. My aim is to be kind and compassionate - whether we end up R or not. So I want to find a way to respond in a way that is kind to myself as well as to him.
I know when he starts these rants I panic and I often try to shut him down by ending the conversation. I have always done that. I've always been totally terrified that if he's angry with me, that's it, we're done. He tells me a lot that he feels he isn't allowed to be angry or upset.
I need to be less reactive, but also respect the fact that my well being matters and whether I SHOULD be able to deal with it in a detached and calm way or not, if I can't, I can't, and that's the reality I need to work with.
