Not Sure Where This Is Going

[sandi2]

People who hurt, trash, or disrespect me I'm not particularly interested in making nice with.

Oh, I hear you! Have you had to work with someone who would stab you in the back? If you are in public work, you are required to show professional conduct, but co-workers have a way of making your life miserable. Maybe that's similar to how you feel with your W in this current sitch. I certainly don't envy you.

For some women, when their H leave a good paying job to go into self employment (which often means they struggle the first few years), they can resent it. Depending on the woman and how supportive she was about the H's endeavor. I fail to see how this would cause her to suddenly want to be with other women sexually. However, rebellion is rebellion no matter the wrapping paper.

And, btw, in a previous post I suggested she could possibly be using her days out with D2 as an opportunity or excuse to be with OW. I didn't mean she was engaging in sex while her daughter was with her. Just wanted to clarify. I thought for a mother who wasn't happy about having to keep her child when she wanted to go out with her friends......she was suddenly making arrangements to be out all day with D2. Anyway, probably just my suspicious mind.

W doesn't seem to care at all about my improvements, except that they allow her to go out more, but so be it.

That seems to be the case with wayward W's. They are through with the MR, so they don't really care anymore if their H makes changes. She's done. That's why I try to tell LBH's to make changes for themselves. It's like when a person is overweight and the spouse begs him/her to lose weight. "If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me", they cry. But it doesn't work that way. The overweight person has to do it for their self. Even if they lose weight trying to please their spouse, it won't stay off long before they will return to old eating habits.

Don't be too critical of your inability to detach yet. With all the emotions swirling around, it's got to be very challenging to lovingly detach. I'll be honest, if my H suddenly started searching out other men to have an A........I wouldn't lovingly detach. But then I probably wouldn't if he were out searching for women, either, b/c that's the difference between you guys with NGS and women who are potential or former WW's. You'll put up with it, and we won't. It's that simple. When my adult daughter busted me, one of the first things she said was, "You know you would not put up with it for one second if it was Daddy and another woman". She was right, and I knew it.......my family knew it.....my H knew it.....everyone who knows the two of us, knew it. It just ain't gonna happen!

So I'm getting to the point where I'm not sure I can ever get past how she's made me feel, with full knowledge she's doing it, and unmoved to change course for eight months straight.

Shock, hurt, anger......these are all normal feelings, considering what you've gone through. Sad to say that many times the WW will want to reconcile, but it's too late and her H has moved on and doesn't want to take a chance with her again.

I have not been pursuing in any way. More like avoiding her altogether and trying to get out.

There are times avoiding the toxic person might be better than having to endure more of their antics.......since you are actually getting out. After all, you have to think of your own mental health.

I'm not sure, because of money, etc., that I'm going to be OK. I'm extremely concerned for myself and my future relationship with D2. Very worried and unhappy lately and I'm not good at faking otherwise. I think the vibe I'm giving off is "pensive," not "confident" or "moving on." I have a lot on my mind these days.

I'm so sorry, Niall. You may have to find another job, if your business doesn't improve, but you will make it. You have a precious little girl that means everything to you, so I know you are going to make it. (((hugs)))