I'm not sure how to word this, but I just wanted to respond to you about this situation. Maybe I should say, respond about my situation. Getting my heart right with God required me to let go of my wayward attitude and resentment for my H. It meant I had to forgive him for the years of stuff I had held against him. It meant I had to straighten up and do what I knew was right in the eyes of God. So, for me a big part of my journey was spiritual. That was me, and I'm not saying it is what everyone has to do. However, religious/spiritual or not.....if the WW turns back, it is a process. She has a lot of inner work to do on herself. If she doesn't, I don't believe she fully recovers.
It is very difficult to go through different situations where a loved one is rebelling and living a life that causes pain for us. We don't understand why certain things happen. We wonder if God is punishing us, Why doesn't He do something to stop it? This is often asked when we feel so helpless and have no control. I'm not just speaking about waywardness, but about the troubles life sends our way. When bad things happen to good people, it doesn't mean God is punishing.
Here's the thing. Even if a M ends, God does not forsake those who seek Him. He still loves you. I am the produce of a second M for one of my parents, and I saw God bless my parents throughout their lives. They were dedicated to Him. I was raised in a good family, very involved in church, etc. Imagined how shocked my family was when they discovered that I was secretly having an EA! I am so thankful that God is so merciful and forgiving. That doesn't mean one doesn't have to face some fallout of their decisions, but if the WW will get her heart right with God, then she has to get her heart right with her H.
Sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to say something that might help in some small way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi, reading your post from a few minutes ago from a small town in the south of Greece. Greek Orthodox Easter is coming up and you expressed my thoughts on spirituality exactly. Jesus of Nazareth is about to play tonights installment on the TV, and I can hear the priests from the nearby church, their voices projecting over the fields between my home and there. The bells are ringing in a mourning sound (slow and sad tones). This is my 50th year on this planet and these days always carry weight since my childhood memories. Easter is a big spiritual holiday for the Orthodox Christians.
Thinking about God, my ex and my journey.
Signed the divorce papers yesterday, thinking of life without her. and those sad bells keep ringing tonight
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
It must be a very emotional time for you. Your faith can get you through the tough days. Some people may feel that I have no business telling a LBS something like this, since I have not personally been in D shoes. This is my belief about everything in life. God will see you through the bad times. You can lean on His strength to hold you up. (((hugs)))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
thank you sandi. I think everything you have written on this forum helps the LBS. and i also agree with your spiritual views, because in the end anything we face in life has a spiritual lesson to it.
And God did appear to help me. It was in the little things, people who suddenly appeared out of nowhere to help. Old friends that I hadn't seen in years meeting me by chance on the street and asking me how I was. Letters from relatives and phone calls from loved ones.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
Thank you Sandi. I read and reread your post. I pray that my Mahal listens to what God tells her. I pray I listen to Him as well. I pray that this is just a really bad stretch of the road with potholes from legend. But a stretch of road we can get past.
I was watching a video this morning about a man who was color blind and was given corrective lenses. Cried. Then a video about when a woman is done trying and has given up. More crying. I will take that to mean the following. First, I have more work to do on me. Second, I still care about her and she has still a great deal of control. Third, the settlement is moving forward despite my desires. Fourth, the house has so much to be done.
Now I can only do so much. I will only deal with my possessions and leave her's and the BiL's alone. To a point.
I have been of late less anxious about this. I am, reluctantly, coming to terms with this not ending as I would like it to. Will there be a R with her beyond this and not just through our children and grandchildren? I don't know. What I am sad about now is I may not care either way.
Will there be a Mrs. Turbine in the future? Maybe. Current one seems to think so. I still want to wake up and watch the current one sleep. Hear her breathing or snoring or whatever. Feel the bed shift as she tosses or turns and in the process takes even more of the blankets. Hear her laugh. sing, talk to me with love in her heart.
I was feeling not to bad until those videos threw some gas on the fire. Flames are dying down now from that.
My time at the gym is going well. I went shopping for work out clothes as the ones I have are getting damaged. The stitching is pulling out... so I got some stuff. My trainer is pleased with my progress and we continue to work on my back and shoulders. Although yesterday was a leg day. Feeling it a little today I can assure you. Going back for more later today.
My son is thinking about proposing to his GF. They have been together for eight years. They are good for each other. They have more in common than my W and I did, maybe even do now. I would like to have that time with my Mahal. Our whole time together has been so inverted. Maybe with God's help though all of you fine people we will get that.
Stay strong. One more breath, one more step. Then the journey will be over and you will be left to wonder how you did it. For me, I will know that I had God's help and all of you too.
FYI. Avengers: Endgame was a long movie. The pacing was good and it really didn't seem like that long.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Nope. I feel like I lost ground tonight. This is going forward as she wants.
Short of a miracle I am facing a future that is 180 from what I had thought we would have. Time for us.
Didn't seem like we had a lot of time before this. Some of that is my fault. Staying in the Navy... wouldn't have had a whole lot of time for us then either. My rating was rather heavy on sea rotation vs. shore rotation. So for about 2 years of 7 I would have a "normal" family life. I would have finished my 20, been able to retire and not know my kids or my wife. There is a very high divorce rate for the military and the Navy is harder than the average. Gone for a deployment. Wife has to do everything. We get home and no longer fit in. Maybe not the first deployment or the second but it happens. Deployed and there is a car accident. Can't do anything about it and it is a stress. Kid gets sick. Kid gets hurt. Death in the family. Yes, there is emergency leave. When you are on the opposite side of the world it doesn't do much good. Doesn't help much if it is the day before you return to port either. So yeah, you miss a whole lot. You don't get it back and it all adds to a messed up married life. I still have some baggage from that. I got out in 1993. Long time to carry that isn't it.
Now it will likely be time for me. I don't want it. In no way shape or form.
It gets easier, better etc.
I need to let it do that don't I. Well right not I am stuck in a loop and I don't know how to break it. I'd like to, or at least that is what I tell myself. Yet for all that I aren't doing to well in this course of action. I don't know. All the what I could have done different are running through my head. Is she blameless? No. I can't change her, just me. So I'm stuck.
I don't want anyone else. Mahal ko ang aking asawa, talaga.
Not waking up doesn't sound so bad. I haven't taken anything, nor will I do anything to hasten that outcome. If its my time though... well the hurting will have stopped.
Yes. Pitch black dark. If I hold this in... how much worse will it be. I want to forgive myself for getting here. I don't know how to. Am I too far gone? Too broken? Too tied to her and the idea of US?
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
