No, I think you've misunderstood me, or at least, I haven't clearly expressed myself.
I want to be able to validate him when he expresses feelings (following the DB advice and the stick, which I have re-read a few times recently) but I also want to be able to shut down the criticism and blaming. I find it hard to know the difference. Yail pointed out that when I thought I was validating him, I was actually allowing him to emotionally abuse me. I've been thinking about it a lot because I don't how how to tell the difference and I want to know how to - for my own growth and emotional well being and because it will be useful to me in all my relationships (I think I am a doormat with my Eldest too!) and not only for H.
Benito - I understand you don't think the way I am doing things is correct or helpful. Can you make a suggestion as to what would be better in terms of validating well and setting a boundary where there is emotional abuse going on?
