So yeah, I'm back down to earth again. The DB'ing has been hard. We've been at home most of the weekend. Doing things with the kids, getting stuff cleared out for a "garage sale" which I think should be a moving sale.
I have not mentioned any talk about marriage, divorce, love, feelings or what she's doing, where she's going, etc.
I tried something new last night to GAL. I went out after the kids went down. She asked if I was going downstairs to watch a movie but I said if it's ok with you I'm going out, told her I didn't know where just was.
I changed clothes, splashed on a little cologne.
Before I left, she asks if SHE would be able to go out at night (not that she ever couldn't) if it was unplanned.
I had hoped for a much better eye opener for her. But it feels like I poked the sleeping bear. She wants even more freedom which I get since I've been controlling.
Ever since I started DB'ing I've gotten a ton of temperature check (are you ok? are you mad? you seem emotionally distant)
But she's also been contentious as hell. Every conversation seems to lead to her getting frustrated if she can't get me to explain something to her liking, or she is short fused or something.
Are these all normal?
I went to an art show last night. On a Sunday. It wasn't my scene. Truth is I want to be home with a wife, my wife, snuggling during a movie and falling asleep for the next day's work day.
Frustrated.
Si, first " I said if it's ok with you I'm going out, told her I didn't know where just was"??? Huh? Seriously, "Can I go out?"
Remember, you are getting your respect back. The guy that commands respect doesn't ask for permission. Next time:
- Get ready. - Be ready to go OUT the door. - Pass by her and say "I am going out for a bit." - Leave without saying anything else. - If she protests, follows you, continues to ask questions, listen and validate.
"I had hoped for a much better eye opener for her. But it feels like I poked the sleeping bear. She wants even more freedom which I get since I've been controlling. "
I really wish I had a 2x4 to smack you upside the head! LOL
NO EXPECTATIONS!! You GAL for YOU, not for a reaction from her. Not for a "better eye opener" for her. Who cares how she reacts.
I've told LBSs this dozens of times: she could come to you and tell you she had a gangbang with 50 guys, and it should roll off of your back like water off a duck. DETACHMENT, IE not to react emotionally to anything she says and does.
She is testing you on all of this. To see your resolve. She wants to see how easy it is to reestablish control over you. You are the one that needs the eye opener, not her. You need to open your eyes to the fact that the more you focus on her with your DBing activties the less chance of success you will have.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
