I have a question. I think I need to understand the difference between validation and being a doormat in the face of his criticism and blaming.
At the moment, I want to be available to validate his feelings and to act in a kind and supportive way if I can - but not where that has a bad effect on my emotional well being.
I want to stop having to absorb his criticism and blame and rehashing of the past. I've done such a lot of that. I'm done with that now. It probably makes him feel a bit better to have me listening humbly to his characterisations of my faults - and in many respects he is correct. But I have all the information about that that I need, I am working on it according to my own judgement and ability, and all allowing him to do that does is keep him blaming me and feeling like a victim, and keep me feeling criticised and hurt and like I'm being constantly auditioned. I don't want to do it any more.
Where is the fine line between validating and being assertive and protecting myself? What's the difference between him expressing a feeling and just criticising me? How to deal with both things assertively and compassionately?
