So this was a rough week. Sons adhd behaviors were pretty rough. In some ways he acts so immature...non stop talking at full volume. Getting really silly for attention or just to hear himself talk. I lost my temper yesterday and feel horrible. But in other ways he is so smart and profound.
Son is 8 now and before we go to bed is when he has serious conversations with me. Tonight, He was telling me how he feels like he is the glue between 2 families. And how if he died or if something happened to him, neither family would be families with each other any more and this really bothered him. He told me if something happens to him, he wants me to get back with his father. He actually told me that he knows I won’t be able to trust him in the beginning but I would have to give it a long time. Like longer then before. He tells me he talks about this with another boy whose grandparents divorced and got back together. I tell him that it will not happen for his dad and I and he says “I know”
He also was upset that he wasn’t strong enough glue to keep us together. He kept saying that. And I feel bad that he recognizes that he wasn’t enough to make his Dad fight for our marriage. He does know his dad left me. He knows I did not want to divorce and that I disagree with divorce.
I feel so bad that he has to deal with this. Me and my siblings never had to go through this. It’s really hard on him to love me and want to be with me but also want to see his dad. It must be hard to have 2 separate families.
When he gets older, addiction issues will possibly come up. They are already teaching them about drugs. But am I gonna have to keep his dads issues a secret from him. If he knows will he be more likely or less likely to try them? Addiction is hereditary and it’s a disease. Does he have the right to know what I know. How will that effect him? Will not knowing make it worse? Drugs and alcohol are so bad that they make people act in ways that hurt their kids instead of he wasn’t worth working on a marriage.
What do I say to him?
Last night he asked me about Santa. Kept asking me to tell him the truth. I told him there was a real st Nicholas at one time. But it’s kind of like god. We don’t really know but I am the one who puts the presents under the tree. He told me “the joy of Christmas is real and that’s what matters”
