Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife #2

[sandi2]

1. Next week will be tough on me as well. Our anniversary is 5/5. She will have the kids. Do I do/say ANYTHING on this day?

You are going to do whatever falls in line with your nice guy image anyway, so I don't know why I bother to answer. Don't send/give her a card. Don't go out to "celebrate". Don't go out as family. Don't have dinner together. Don't buy her anything. If she initiates a text and says something about it, then respond in a non-mushy way. That's all. This is another opportunity for her to have a tiny glimpse of reality, if you would let it happen.

2. Is me being plan b in her head - overt?

Absolutely!

Meaning, is she really overtly manipulating me to feel more comfortable while searching for Mr. Right or is possible she is still trying to take this time/space to reflect and figure things out?

Is she still joining her friends and acting like a GGW, staying out in bars till the wee hours of the morning? She is not trying to take time/space to reflect and figure things out. She knows how to work you, and she's going to continue as long as you allow it........just in case she has no other options left and has to return to you. I'm talking about finances, physical help, or most anything but feeling in love. WW's return home when it suits them, and not before, unless they get their eyes opened and feel remorse.

Is my empathy for her just more NGS?

Do you really feel empathy for her? This type of sitch is hard for a H to even believe that his W could change this drastically. I mean, you love the girl you M and don't want to see her go. That's understandable. Where your NGS comes into play is like the birthday party, for example. You were the perfect host, the perfect gentleman, etc. None of that behavior was hard for you, b/c you are a nice guy. What would be hard is to tell her there will be no more joint celebrations.......or harder still.....is to just not do it. I'm not telling you to call her up and say it, I'm just using this as an example. Men with NGS believe they can nice the WW back into an intimate MR, and they can't bring themselves to toughen up. They are afraid it will push her further away. BTW, there was nothing wrong in how you conducted yourself at the party. I want you to understand what I'm saying. It was the fact you allowed her to manipulate you into having the party there in the first place. Only, she really didn't have to manipulate, did she? She just let you know that's what she wanted, and you did it. So, if she says she thinks the family should at least go out and eat to acknowledge the anniversary, how will you handle it?

Sooo hard to be happy but also be somewhat distant when she is coming to me. I get it, probably just a temp check - but so hard to balance.

If you have to say "probably just a temp check", are you really getting it? Remember that she wants to keep you engaged to a point. She has to do keep you attached, in order to secure you as her backup plan. (That's why WW's want to know if the H is seeing anyone, and all about his personal life. She has to keep tabs on him.) She only wants you on her terms, not yours. She doesn't want you around when she is partying with her friends, or out with OM. If she has anything else better to serve her, then she won't go to you. That's the plain truth. She is a wayward W trying to keep one foot in both world. And, you are helping her. As long as you enable her, the wayward behavior could last until she settles down with some other dude. Then what will you do? Cause here's the thing. She can still manipulate you, even if she's with someone else. Whatever she wants you to do, you'll try to please her. Even if you get M to someone else. We've all seen how some XW's can manipulate after her H has D and M again. Some guys never get away from it, b/c they never figured it out.